The Role of Music, Leonard Bernstein, America, and Immigration

There are few things I would like to be other than what I am.  Years ago, I decided not to pursue music as my career.  Few see me dance publically any more.  I am rarely without a song playing in my head or a song being hummed, whistled or sung on my lips.  I thank God every day for parents who encouraged singing and pursuing music.  I am forever thankful to an Aunt who forced me into choirs, a school that offered orchestra, and a church where I could sing all kinds of music.  I loved performing in musicals, performing in choirs, and performing in concert whether in a symphony or chorus.  I worry daily about the course of America without music in its schools for many reasons I will not pursue today.

I secretly crave only two goals in life.  I would love to direct a symphony.  The other skill?  Be able to create and direct with the skill of Leonard Bernstein or Stephen Sondheim.  Their abilities to provide comment on current events or the human condition defies imagination.  Eloquently, musically and with an uncanny ability to engage everyone while everyone joins in song.  Their abilities to examine reality and remind us of our humanity while encouraging a change in beliefs are masterful.  They expressed hope, demanded forgiveness, proclaimed diversity over adversity and their words continue to challenge current thought in the process.  They were able to accomplish these goals while creating masterful new and amazing compositions in music, putting words and music together that sear into our brains, demanding instant recall whenever a portion of a song is performed.  Their ability to create these orchestrations to international acclaim continues well after they no longer personally comment.

Instead, my own comments are simply comment.  I am limited to discourse.  I can pursue with words and my limited ability to masterfully use vocabulary to convey my opinion and values.  No ability to write music, add verbiage, then through the combination, herald change that everyone within hearing begin to respond to in song or in step.  I add one voice for change, for tolerance, for inclusion, for hope, for forgiveness, for the values I believe America represents - Freedom, Justice, Inclusion, and many, many more positive values.  I would love for it to be more like Bernstein.

Like Leonard Bernstein, I care about America and its inclusion and treatment of those who come to Ameria or want to come to America.  Today, we continue, as a nation to argue about the value of immigration, treating those who crave to be first generation Americans as suspect and possibly unworthy.  With economic challenges, we worry about the economics of scarcity rather than abundance.  Yet, from all areas of the Globe, people hunger for the potential they can achieve.  In America, we provide the best hope for those achievements.  Our focus on individual freedom balanced with our belief in community defies government after government, creating the strongest nation in the World.

Many in different lands hope to live in America, not the place, but a place with those values..  Perhaps we do live in the greatest place on Earth despite the political divisions and challenges, the defined discrimination of others and the outright denial of benefits of some in our society.

One day, certainly as Bernstein would wish, I look forward to a day where we harmoniously sing and dance, providing new songs for all Americans.  An America where we joyously sing while providing opportunity for those who want to be Americans to join us on stage to perform as enthusiastically those songs and dances without restraint.  It is far better for us to do so than keeping them behind the curtains, in the dark, praying we will one day do just that.

In West Side Story, Bernstein showed us the challenges of living in America, discussing gangs, and renewing a focus on the frustrations of living in a society of tension, hatred where love often is destroyed through gun violence.  Leonard Bernstein projected this thought many years ago with Glee replaying it for a new generation of Americans.  I join with Bernstein and (Glee's America performance), hoping people continue to join the chorus to welcome immigrants to America, on stage, in harmony, encouraging them to learn the dances, add their accents, their values, so they too can live in America.  I hope you will join me in singing along, dancing, and urging these changes.

The Supreme Court, DOMA, and GSDBA. Oh My!

For over 20 years, I have been a member of LGBT Chambers of Commerce working to convince businesses large and small about the impact of discrimination to their businesses.

Today, I stand in appreciation of efforts nationwide by many who have tirelessly and consistently worked toward the same goals. Workplace equality, tax equity, reduced discrimination, a healthier work environment, with benefits to those businesses who pursue these goals.

These business have benefited from a larger talent pool attracted to them, a loyal and appreciative market segment, and more profitable bottom lines are only some of the benefits of inclusion and the pursuit of equality for all by Corporate America.

Nearly 300 companies have filed a brief arguing that the law — called DOMA for short — hits them where it counts: their bottom lines. This was reported by NPR .

Today's public support by corporations and chambers opposing DOMA is clearly a result of those in Chambers of Commerces just like GSDBA all over the country. It is a reward from efforts of employees in large corporations, including many Employee Resource Groups, individual employees, professionals, and business owners pursuing equality where they work, challenging discrimination, coming out, being talented, pushing for workplace equality, education others in their place of businesses, and supporting organizations like GSDBA.

When someone asks me why I belong to GSDBA and other LGBT Chambers, I tell them it is because we are the only Chambers who work for LGBT values with a goal of stronger business in the community. Today, the work continues to be recognized but our purpose does not change.  GSDBA is leading efforts in many areas of business to support those who want equality where they work.

The value of being a member of GSDBA should not be measured solely on what individual benefit a member receives each year. The value of membership in GSDBA is a more vibrant LGBT Community, more financially successful LGBT individuals in the community, a thriving community for financial support and networks, places of business where LGBT individuals are treated with dignity and equality, where big business can seek strong supplier diversity channels that include LGBT resource businesses, where businesses can learn and develop workplace equality, address areas of discrimination, and develop understanding of how to benefit from our loyal LGBT community consumers.

The benefit of being a member of GSDBA is certainly enhanced by being visible in a Directory that reaches thousands, but the essence of the value of membership results from our achievements large and small. Those achievements can be simply educating new LGBT members on successful marketing but can be as significant as convincing large businesses to sit around a table and institute transgender health benefits.

GSDBA is more than an organization that publishes a valuable directory of services provided by GSDBA members in our community. GSDBA works to support LGBT business owners and LGBT professionals in areas of advocacy, marketing, business development, and so much more. GSDBA members join together to meet, learn, lobby, educate, organize and lead a transformation for the betterment of the LGBT community and businesses themselves.

Today, when an Amicus Brief of nearly 300 businesses and business organizations opposing DOMA from across America to the Supreme Court, we affirm our value to the LGBT Community and our members.

For those who are members of the GSDBA, today is a fabulous day to celebrate. For those who are professionals and business owners but are not, now is the time. Being part of a Chamber so relevant to today is certainly the place to be. We are committed to equality, to our LGBT communities, and to business where everyone can pursue a future that is profitable for all who care about equality.

GSDBA has been working since 1979 for LGBT inclusion, Equality in the workplace, and a financial strong LGBT community. We will keep on working. The benefits continue to build. Join the Chamber. Enjoy the results. Remember membership has its privileges. Certainly today is one of them.

And, at this Chamber, I couldn't pass up including an anthem Will you join in our crusade for equality?

Control or Serve, Your Choice

Many friends have asked how I have been doing, how well Carleton is coping in his health fight, and how I can continue to do all I do at work, volunteering, and at home.  The answers are simple.  I make choices and I stick to them, no matter the cost. 

This week Carleton reacted on Monday to the Chemo, with allergic reactions that made him turn red and begin to inhibit his breathing.  It was horrifying to watch as he reached out a hand to grab me, but I had to leap out of the way to allow nurses to get oxygen to him along with medication to counter act it.

Only a few days later, they tried a different Chemo.  By Sunday, he was suffering many of the side effects, from his Chemo just hours after I finished participating in a West Business Alliance meeting for GSDBA.  And, that conference was after a full week of client work and Carleton’s doctor visits. 

His suffering will impact my sleep, impact my schedule, impact my work, and impacts my life.  But, Carleton simply is family.  And, family impacts your life.  The current misery, the hot and cold flashes, the weakness Carleton feels, the vomiting, the inability to do what he enjoys or what needs to be done, it impacts.  Enduring his fury and hurt when he learned that I knew of additional side effects he will face shortly, but let him learn of them on his own because I am already forcing him to do what is necessary.  My vanity is my hair, I could not bear to tell someone else they would lose theirs.  The one benefit gained from this weekend?  I no longer vomit sympathetically!

In the last couple of months, as my energy wanes, and my strength is challenged, friends raise concerns and ask my why and how I do what I do.  It is simple, really.  What sustains my energy is my faith that I do not have to be in control, I simply do what I have chosen to do for many years.  I serve.  I have served clients for 20 years, my community for longer, and I have found ways to serve in my own family in many ways.  When life is tough, and right now it certainly is, you simply continue to do what you do best.  And, what I do best is serve. 

My mom and dad certainly taught me this example, even when they faced their own health crises.  Their example, and others, taught me that I will be frustrated if I need to be in control.  I will be angry if I need everything to be perfect.  I will be resentful if I expect a life without adversity.  Yet, they also taught me, by example, to serve.  And, that when serving, there is no need to control.  In the end, I am not in control, my Creator is.  My choice is to fight, to serve or to curl up in a ball in a corner.  And, sometimes, fortunately, that decision isn't mine either.

Thank you to those who have been checking in and to those who have called or e-mailed.  Most especially, thank you to those who have acknowledged my current challenges and yet were just your usual selves. 

I have found that when people are generally nicer or gentler, expressing concern or worry, or overwhelmingly generous, that is usually the moment when an Appleton (my mom's side of the family) will begin to weep.  We joke of the family rule.  When terrible things occur, we manage.  But, don't be too nice to us for we may fall apart at the seams.

Perhaps it is that unexpected surprise expression of generosity or sympathy, that hug or that tear begging to escape from someone else’s eye that for a moment someone else’s perspective shows me how terrible the cost, how responsible the role, how overwhelming the situation may be.  Fortunately, I simply serve, as I am able.  I certainly worry; fret, stress, and I can do a lot of stressing.  None of these choices change the situation.  And, in many cases, no action on my part alone will change an outcome.  But, the concern and care of others unravels me, shows me their value of me for a moment, their sympathy for the situation.  I see my value for a moment to someone else.   

It is certainly a loving reprieve in trying circumstances.   I may even fall to pieces.  Those emotions of worry, woe and concern unleash my very heart and its frustrating need for control, my belief that I know what is fair, and my desire to fix what is wrong, my way.  Yet, when I put myself back together, I return to the role I love.  Not because it’s easy.  It isn’t.  It is what I choose.  I love to serve especially when life may become overwhelming and certainly when those I serve, I choose to love.

Sequester then budget cuts - There goes the community

When government support of safety nets get shredded, it means individuals and businesses in communities choose to either increase their voluntary contributions to assist organizations who address community ills, usually by inordinate percentages or mourn the loss of those services.  Politicians declare cuts balance budgets.  Truly, all it does is shift the funding and service burden to the smallest community groups and passionate individuals originally burdened by the concern.  The result is that fair minded and caring people accept the entire additional burden while the lucky, the disinterested, selfish and greedy revel in their net income increase, wonder at the despair, and avoid participating in solutions and paying their fair share to provide consistent community solutions.

Politicians who advocate the destruction of programs for the needy, aged and the sick are simply short sighted and lack the understanding to appreciate social services provided professionally or the efficiency of the tax revenue developed.  Destroying security nets for Americans in need is unpatriotic, destroys futures, and exacerbates economic cycles for communities that suffer during economic downturns.  Eliminating programs that contribute to the Quality of Life for communities impacts everyone.  Many national programs currently serving Americans are being shredded by sequester and become more vulnerable to budget cuts.  While the format of tax revenue exists to be the broadest based, least impactful, while the benefits received go where the needs are the greatest.  

If you are in the LGBT community of San Diego, the impacts on federally funded programs to the Center and other non-profits could be significant.  If you care about supporting current levels of service these organizations provide, expect to increase your charitable contributions significantly.  Cuts to programs for those in need ultimately increase many kinds of insurance premiums, inflict personal losses to individuals and families, and can increase other expenses.  When specific benefit costs are no longer spread broadly, the financial burden is left to a few determined to support programs as best they can.

Voice your concern to Congress that shredding programs for those in need hurts our community or determine to set aside one month of your paycheck to the appropriate non-profit of your choice and call it a year.  The choice is yours.  Do neither and the community services needed to address the most basic needs of many in our community will fail to be addressed.

GSDBA - The Relevance of Membership

Celebrating 20 years of friendships and relationships at the same firm

Tonight, I shared dinner with Rob Abernathy, a Managing Principal of Waddell & Reed who leads the W&R office in Chicago. We had a great visit, discussed work, corporate, conversed about national LGBT issues he faces in Chicago and I face in San Diego, his work at HRC, and my work at GSDBA. During this dinner with his partner, he confirmed he talked with mutual friends at home office. Prior to our dinner, he had reached out to Cathie Kremling Suchecki to see what she had followed on Facebook about Carleton to make sure he was up to date. He mentioned the friendship I have with Kathy Wiltsey Horton, he shared conversations he overheard where I have been the subject, and her advocacy of me in home office, just as I was mentioning how much I appreciate her friendship and her abilities. We shared and caught up, promising to meeting in Florida in June.

Last week, Brian Fields visited our San Diego office. He was one of the first W&R professionals I met in Portland in March 1993. March 2013 marks my 20th year anniversary with this company. Brian took me to lunch last week to visit and check in on me, my health, and my business growth. 

Tonight, Rob Abernathy, during our conversation provided my first anniversary present. He shared the gift of friendship, loyalty of professional friendships, and the individual care that only another party can confirm. As I drove home, reflecting on the conversation, recounting the many names, personalities, and relationships I have met with people at W&R, I gained appreciation for their care for me, their value of me, and some even may consider that I'm pretty special. While many would agree I am somewhat unique, the mutual feelings of respect, care, and friendship is returned with my famous smile, loud presence, and vibrant thoughts. 

Tonight, I want to thank Rob, Cathie, Kathy, Karen, Vanessa, Steve, JJ, Stan Renskers, Daralee Barbera and the Costa Mesa Office, John Ramos, Scott Rose, James Bowie Haug and the San Diego office advisors and staff, Brian Fields, Barbara Harris-Jovert, Mike Gerken (ret) and the amazing leaders who continue there, Cleland Knox and the compliance team who works to keep me on the narrow, along with the amazingly professional and patient people working to serve the Choice Platform, the leadership and service teams at Home Office, and the local Lake Oswego Office advisors. The affiliate business friends from Tim Ripp and AOCP, to Securian and my friends there. A special appreciation to the original team in Portland who recruited me, trained me, were patient with me, and put up with me in the Portland Office starting in 1993 for my first 10 years. Some have moved on, some have passed on, some have retired, but some remain.

More than anything, this 20th anniversary is more my family (my mom & dad, brother and sister) and about the many clients who selected me, made me care, made me follow through, made me worry, and made me a passionate professional. If it wasn't for their faith, trust, loyalty, and commitment, I wouldn't have become successful and continued for 20 years with the same company, serving these clients. These special relationship matter. They continue to work with me, push me, energize me, and excite me to work with them. Yet, they also remind me that balance in my own life matters to them. Home matters can be just as important as serving them. I appreciate the many relationships and while I have never claimed or could be perfect, they allow me to serve them passionately.

This company has made an impact in my life, my clients futures, and has supported me, my community, and those I call family. This company has allowed me to shape how I work with people daily, providing me an opportunity to impact my community in many ways for the last 20 years. I am so grateful that many of those same clients, same friends, and fellow W&R related people consider me their friend, their advocate, their family.

Wow, 20 years, how about we continue to look forward together for another 20? Imagine what we will continue to do together, perhaps reach the many goals we have selected to pursue.

Thank you for setting aside time for dinner, Rob! The passing example that individuals across the country care about me, personally, and what I do every day, with whom I share my life, and what issues I face is surprisingly important to me. The conversation today increased my appreciation of people I have met over the years who consider their professional decisions with the impact on me personally regularly. They even appreciate our short visits in person and over the phone (and even facebook). This company and the individuals I have met are truly part of my family and they gladly include me. On its own, this value sets W&R apart from other options I could make. The people in this company, the long term relationships developed, and the clients I serve daily and personally truly makes for a special position I do not always appreciate but I do always enjoy. The surprises, like dinner tonight, by someone who didn't have to see me, visit, or splurge, and these special friendships and relationships are truly what makes the 20 years worth celebrating. 

Without these people, I am certain I would never have continued at one firm to serve the amazing community of individuals I serve.

Tonight, I acknowledge that 20 years of amazing, growing, and special friendships. I am lucky to have found this career, luckier to work at this company. And, overwhelmingly lucky to be in partnership with clients I continue to be very thankful to serve. To all of you, from my heart to yours. Thank You.

Sequestration and Stupidity - When did they become American Values?

Let me explain in basic terms the impact of sequestration.  I received an e-mail from a client today.  Tomorrow, Friday, my client informed me that her husband will be asked to reduce his work 20% which will result in a 20% loss of income.  This will impact his retirement goals, his wife's work, their goals and expectations.  This will bring to a stop income being set aside for his own investment in his future.  It will reduce and personally impact me, reduce my income, reduce my ability to reach my goals, support my community, impact the services I can provide and reduce my ability to financially address those who are less fortunate. 

He works for the military providing family advocacy services for marines. 

Sequestration does not result in smart decisions but results in making easy, terribly impactful decisions.  Reducing the support services for veterans and their families is likely a terrible decision.  Yet it is far easier to cut services for those who deserve and need it.  If they truly find it necessary to have therapy, let them drink, do drugs, get arrested and become jailed.  It simply must be easier when measured against the loss of programs that protect corporate welfare, tax savings for CEOs and the super wealthy, and the benefits necessary to support the lifestyles of defense programs that cost Americans $400 billion dollars in waste - and thats just in the defense budget.

Sequestration isn't the fault of democrats or republicans.  It is our fault as a country.  We have decided that working for the common good no longer valuable.  We have chosen to create a divisive culture where we judge each other rather than value the differences.  We have litmus tests rather than appreciate conversation.  We would rather be right than find peace or success.

Every American should be contacting their representatives.  It is not enough to complain, confirm or encourage their position.  It is unacceptable to allow politicians to determine our financial fate.  It is unacceptable to allow either political party to determine and destroy the dreams of America.  We voted for them.  All of us should hold them accountable or enact recall procedures on every one of them on Monday.

I am willing to compromise that is reasonable for the entire community.  I am not willing to allow the poor to live worse or the wealthy to continue to improve their taxable value.  The decision of the Supreme Court on Citizens United supports the dependency of politicians on the super wealthy and corporate America.  A comprehensive debate and review of national policies is desperately needed, but Americans, generally, would rather watch reality television than address reality itself.

I am willing to completely accept a restructuring of tax policy, foreign investment, corporate welfare policy, agricultural policy, education, financial system impacts, investment in health and sciences and many other issues.  But, to grind down a debate to whether the politicians support raising taxes or cutting benefits and services is a debate which is both too simplistic and results in debates that range from bizarre to utterly monstrous.  Plus, anyone who believes that the current debate is that basic, I have to question whether you ever took a civics class or simply do not understand the idea of positioning in conversation.

Until both conservative and liberal, all Americans, are willing to fire their personal representatives who appeal to their most personal opinions, extreme values and beliefs to garner their vote, for the purposes of getting the politicians to create a working government, we will continue to deserve the lack of compromise, vacuous debate, the extreme volatility in our markets, the uncertainty of our futures, and the loss of confidence from the rest of the world.