Please call ahead to confirm the visit. An emergency may have occurred if you scheduled days in advance.
If you prepare a meal, please do not include raw foods, whether fruit or vegetable, nor nuts or cooked broccoli. (CJ doesn’t eat broccoli or fish). This will enhance the likelihood of it being eaten. The appreciation of the effort is great, especially when it is able to be enjoyed.
Remember the home is their residence (CJ and Eric). The day you visit, they may have had other visitors or will be expecting others and they want to be able to greet each one with warmth, cheer, and attention.
Do not take it personally if attention is diverted from you. Contribute as you can while you are there. Please be understanding if others are interruptive and consider returning at a different time.
Be understanding that time constraints are for the benefit of health and recuperation. A visit is always enjoyable, but a visit can tax the body. Unless you are assisting CJ and Eric with tasks of daily living, please keep your visit to under an hour. Expect that others may be there at the same time.
Lengthy conversations during a visit can stress the patient, concern the caregiver, or stress other visitors. Please consider the conversation topic and whether it helps the patient recuperate, address an important issue, or whether it is helpful or enjoyable. All other topics should be minimal.
This home is being interrupted from its normal routine. Be sensitive to those who live in it by not being sensitive when you are politely encouraged to depart. Eric and CJ are fiercely private about their personal space but were raised to be polite. Please do not test that balance.
Do not visit when you have a cough, a cold or any potentially infectious disease. A mask is valuable should you need to visit yet have been around children, large groups, have a sniffle. A mask will not be provided at the door, please bring one that does not allow your germs to become our germs.
If you are concerned about CJs health, please share this with CJ first. If you feel he is not able to address your concern, please visit with Eric.
Please use gloves when appropriate. Gloves are located under the sink in both bathrooms. Please stay healthy and protect CJ and Eric’s health.
Please keep information about Eric and CJ confidential. This is an intimate time which you have been invited to support, encourage, and witness. At times, we will not be presentable for the public but have included you in our non-public sphere where things are not as perfect. Embarrassment and feelings of humiliation due to issues of health are normal at this time, but respect is expected at all times.
When you would like to support CJ by volunteering to sit with him or complete a task that needs to be completed, please contact Eric, establish the time parameters and tasks, and if it is to be completed in the house, please do not cancel the same day, not show, or come at a time other than what was agreed upon or please contact Eric or CJ to confirm flexibility. Shopping lists can be made available.
If you are helping with CJs care, we will have a list of doctors and medicines available. But, if Eric is not available, and CJ s health worsens, please leave a text for Eric, type 911, and either call 911 or drive him to UCSD emergency.
Regular tasks for volunteers may include cleaning the kitchen or bathrooms, laundry, grocery shopping (with list), and other minor tasks. We are humbled by you taking the time out of your day to care for CJ and support Eric. It is never forgotten. We may or may not publically acknowledge the help, but in our hearts, and sometimes, in plain view there could be tears of appreciation. It is the understanding that others care that keeps Eric moving forward. And, it is with this knowledge that Eric and CJ know they are loved that keeps them facing what they are facing.
The needs for CJ’s care are not always clear. Eric has been the primary care provider for 2 years. Eric requires frequent breaks. To accommodate Carleton’s care, he has moved a significant amount of his work home to be available. Be sensitive to his need for privacy to address client confidentiality issues.
When a volunteer is considered the primary care response person, talk to that person first rather than Eric. He may be working, resting, relaxing or unwinding and needs that time for his own health. If you are the visitor or volunteer care individual, please do interrupt Eric if the concern rises to an emergency.
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