Jeri Muse leads VA Medical Center to Stand Out in Health Equality Index 2013

Jeri Muse, PhD, sits on the GSDBA Board as Vice Chair. She has been instrumental to the U.S. Veterans Health Administrations implementation of inclusive actions toward the LGBT Community. I want to personally thank her for her efforts.

 

This is what HRC recently had to say regarding the efforts at the VA.

 

"In the wake of the 2011 repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” the U.S. Veterans Health Administration (VHA), the largest integrated healthcare system in the United States, created a work group to identify ways to optimize care for the nation’s LGBT veterans. One of the group’s key recommendations was that the country’s 152 VA medical centers be encouraged to participate in the HEI. In close partnership with Lisa Red and Carlos Rodriguez of the VHA Office of Health Equity, HEI staff reached out to the VA medical centers, only one of which had previously participated in the HEI.

 

This intensive outreach was successful: 120 of the VA medical centers, or nearly 80%, voluntarily participated in the HEI. And an impressive 91 of them, or 76%, were awarded HEI 2013 Equality Leader status—a higher percentage of Leaders than for HEI 2013 respondents as a whole.

 

To achieve HEI Leader status, the VA medical centers documented that they publicize to their patients and visitors the VHA’s systemwide policies giving equal visitation to LGBT people and prohibiting LGBT patient and employment discrimination. The medical centers also registered well over 500 senior managers for HEI training, which they praised.

 

The HEI looks forward to continued close collaboration with the VHA system—and extends hearty thanks to the staff members within it who are working hard to welcome and support the nation’s LGBT veterans."

Rules for Visitation

Please consider these rules for when a person has recently had a major illness, a hospital stay, is undergoing chemotherapy, lives with a life threatening illness, has someone living with them that has one of these issues, or is facing the end of their life and has determined to pursue hospice in their home.

Please call ahead to confirm the visit.  An emergency may have occurred if you scheduled days in advance.

If you prepare a meal, please do not include raw foods, whether fruit or vegetable, nor nuts or cooked broccoli. (CJ doesn’t eat broccoli or fish).  This will enhance the likelihood of it being eaten.  The appreciation of the effort is great, especially when it is able to be enjoyed.

Remember the home is their residence (CJ and Eric).  The day you visit, they may have had other visitors or will be expecting others and they want to be able to greet each one with warmth, cheer, and attention.

Do not take it personally if attention is diverted from you.  Contribute as you can while you are there.  Please be understanding if others are interruptive and consider returning at a different time. 

Be understanding that time constraints are for the benefit of health and recuperation.  A visit is always enjoyable, but a visit can tax the body.  Unless you are assisting CJ and Eric with tasks of daily living, please keep your visit to under an hour. Expect that others may be there at the same time. 

Lengthy conversations during a visit can stress the patient, concern the caregiver, or stress other visitors.  Please consider the conversation topic and whether it helps the patient recuperate, address an important issue, or whether it is helpful or enjoyable.  All other topics should be minimal. 

This home is being interrupted from its normal routine.  Be sensitive to those who live in it by not being sensitive when you are politely encouraged to depart.  Eric and CJ are fiercely private about their personal space but were raised to be polite.  Please do not test that balance.

Do not visit when you have a cough, a cold or any potentially infectious disease.  A mask is valuable should you need to visit yet have been around children, large groups, have a sniffle.  A mask will not be provided at the door, please bring one that does not allow your germs to become our germs.

If you are concerned about CJs health, please share this with CJ first.  If you feel he is not able to address your concern, please visit with Eric.

Please use gloves when appropriate.  Gloves are located under the sink in both bathrooms.  Please stay healthy and protect CJ and Eric’s health.

Please keep information about Eric and CJ confidential.  This is an intimate time which you have been invited to support, encourage, and witness.  At times, we will not be presentable for the public but have included you in our non-public sphere where things are not as perfect.  Embarrassment and feelings of humiliation due to issues of health are normal at this time, but respect is expected at all times.

When you would like to support CJ by volunteering to sit with him or complete a task that needs to be completed, please contact Eric, establish the time parameters and tasks, and if it is to be completed in the house, please do not cancel the same day, not show, or come at a time other than what was agreed upon or please contact Eric or CJ to confirm flexibility.  Shopping lists can be made available.

If you are helping with CJs care, we will have a list of doctors and medicines available. But, if Eric is not available, and CJ s health worsens, please leave a text for Eric, type 911, and either call 911 or drive him to UCSD emergency.

Regular tasks for volunteers may include cleaning the kitchen or bathrooms, laundry, grocery shopping (with list), and other minor tasks.  We are humbled by you taking the time out of your day to care for CJ and support Eric.  It is never forgotten.  We may or may not publically acknowledge the help, but in our hearts, and sometimes, in plain view there could be tears of appreciation.  It is the understanding that others care that keeps Eric moving forward.  And, it is with this knowledge that Eric and CJ know they are loved that keeps them facing what they are facing.

The needs for CJ’s care are not always clear.  Eric has been the primary care provider for 2 years.  Eric requires frequent breaks. To accommodate Carleton’s care, he has moved a significant amount of his work home to be available.  Be sensitive to his need for privacy to address client confidentiality issues. 

When a volunteer is considered the primary care response person, talk to that person first rather than Eric. He may be working, resting, relaxing or unwinding and needs that time for his own health.  If you are the visitor or volunteer care individual, please do interrupt Eric if the concern rises to an emergency.

Gay Marriage Survives Prop 8 and DOMA

Today, I am celebrating with other GSDBA Members in the historic decisions of the United States Supreme Court regarding the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and California’s divisive and discriminatory Proposition 8.

With the overturning of DOMA Article 3 in the Windsor case, legally married same-sex couples in the United States will gain access to more than 1,000 federal benefits that come with marriage. The Court’s ruling in the Perry case means that Proposition 8 will be struck down and marriage equality is restored for California.

Marriages will begin again as soon as the decision is rendered as final, and the mandate is issued. Yet, do not be surprised if supporters of Proposition 8 consider and pursue a petition for rehearing.

These decisions come just days after the 46th anniversary of the Loving v. Virginia case (June 12), in which the U.S. Supreme Court struck down all race-based restrictions in marriage law, an important precedent for marriage equality for same-sex couples.

I am thrilled to work with people who believe their dignity is so important.  They live together, love together, and plan  their lives together.  Denying the ability to call that a marriage weakens the instituion and the fairness and support of the community.  The U.S. Supreme Court has corrected this practice and moved it fairly back to the states.

The ruling in DOMA helps everyone who care about fairness, those who fight for freedom, and those who seek freedom.

For California it restores the glowing gem of diversity that has called to people for generations to California.  In overturning Proposition 8, it redeems California from its short foray into creating second class citizens in a rich history of diversity and acceptance.

The San Diego community will gather together at the Rainbow Flag at University Avenue and Normal Street at 5:30 pm. A celebration will follow at at 7 pm at The Center, 3909 Centre St. For more information, please visit www.thecentersd.org or check The Center’s Facebook page at www.facebook.com/At.The.Center.  Also, look to www.gsdba.org for four panel discussions coming starting in August about things you should know before you marry!

Future Focused, Lance Grucela and Christianna Connell contribute to grow GSDBA

Often, someone in GSDBA may only serve one or two years in a capacity that only they are able to do.  In these positions, it is often not a visible role but one that is behind the scenes, but integral to the growth and development of an organization.  These kinds of Board Members set aside their valuable time to help our Chamber create an environment where the LGBT community can develop and grow their dreams of owning a successful business or pursue their professional goals.   Yet, at times, they do difficult work, thankless work, to address issues that others may find daunting or find easy to pass to them.  t is always an honor to work with these professional leaders in their passion to serve others, in their drive to help GSDBA members create opportunities while serving in such capacities that make GSDBA and our success while advocating for our values of diversity and opportunity.  These leaders and their values benefit the LGBT Community and the Greater San Diego area.

Lance Grucela, GSDBA Board Member 2011 - 2013

Lance Grucela served the GSDBA Board of Directors over the past two years, June 2011 – May 2013.  His only reason for not pursuing a second term was due to his new employment with the California Labor Division.

His contributions developing and pushing forward-looking goals for the organization's future, as well as encouraging changes in the membership committee have been invaluable to the Board.  

 

Christianna Connell, GSDBA Board Member, October 2010 – December 2012

Christianna led a committee addressing growing technology challenges, a changing website environment, while guiding the Board and the CEO through the challenges of improving our membership services.

She worked to improve the existing GSDBA website and blog capacities. Many of her initiatives will be seen in the rollout of our new GSDBA website in September 2013.  These efforts will be to improve member interaction and potential member growth. She provided recommendations on improving email marketing and social media efforts.  Those recommendations create a strong foundation for future growth in a planned manner.

Her professional abilities are powerful.  So much so, that CareFusion recruited her from her own company, Future-Ink, to work for them.  Future Ink will be at the GSDBA Business Awards Luncheon with Christianna.  Let her know how much GSDBA appreciates what she has been doing.

 

Keith Robinson, Hot Hotelier, GSDBA Board Thanks You

A wonderful part of my tenure on the board is the opportunity to watch people participate, develop, contribute and lead the way for GSDBA and its members. While someone could simply participate by “showing up”, it is important that someone contribute, bring insight and their strengths to the organization. They set aside their valuable time to help our Chamber create an environment where the LGBT community can develop and grow their dreams of owning a successful business or pursue their professional goals. One person I will miss on the board is Keith Robinson. His quiet leadership, professional courtesy, plus his ability to chuckle at circumstances allow him to address behind the scenes issues that make events supremely successful.
  
Keith Robinson, working with the Dana Hotel, served the GSDBA on the Board of Directors from June 2010 to May 2013. During that time he served on the Ambassadors Committee before becoming the Events Chair which is charged with coordination of the Mixers, Business Awards Luncheon, and other events GSDBA must coordinate. He and the Events Committee coordinated Hotels, the services, hosting expectations, and pursued new and interesting locations in Hillcrest and extended GSDBA’s mixer foray into downtown, Pt. Loma and Mission Bay. His ability to speak candidly with other hoteliers and Mixer host organizations continued the consistently great attendance of creative and new locations for our members.

Keith Robinson has provided his encouragement to GSDBA through building and addressing the tourism needs of the LGBT Community. With Tom Luhnow, he will continue to work with other Tourism professionals to enhance the benefits to GSDBA members through our tourism website, our tourism outreach and help San Diego with their economic future.
While Keith is no longer on the Board, he is committed to GSDBA, the many valuable friendships he has made through our organization and will continue to be supportive of the mission and vision of GSDBA.

My belief is that Keith is stepping down because he has become one of the best hotel leaders for weddings (whether gay or straight). My prediction is that the Supreme Court will overturn DOMA and Prop 8 and his role at The Dana will grow dramatically in the coming 12 months. Good luck, Keith.

Preparing for Death. 8 Simple Principles and 1 Choice of Attitude

Many of my friends know that I have been in the business of helping others consider their risks while considering the best way to reach their goals and address their concerns.  This normally means some form of planning for their future, whether it is financially, through some strategic documents to express their intent, or simply begin the formative steps to becoming responsible and reducing the emotional and other impacts that could occur were they not to plan for changes in their future.

I have served clients for over 20 years to help them look to the future, no matter how dire, how bright, how complex or seemingly simple they might consider it to be.

Ultimately, while I have served them by assisting them with services and products, ultimately those who have chosen to consider the ramifications of their decisions are the happiest long term.  Carefully listening to them, helping them better define their aspirations and hopes, drafting goals, and creating strategies that work help them on their journey.

Yet, with these opportunities for life long relationships and the responsibilites that go with it, are profound emotional impacts that one never realizes until years into these relationships.  And, how someone manages the emotions defines their authenticity, their ability to cope, and their success in continuing through life.

As my friends, collegues and family have witnessed, I have had the pleasure of serving people with AIDS, young families, older couples, gay individuals, lesbian families, and families of faith.  It has been 20 years of learning and trusting not only of these clients, but for me.

I lost my dad almost three years ago.  It was a transition that was sudden but that I feel most of my family was prepared to accept.  We ultimately celebrated his life, continued on, miss him, but appreciate his commitment to his family, his unique contributions, his love and loyalty to my mother, and his own particular perspectives. 

I lost my best friend in the 1996 to AIDS.  Not only was it an 18 month caregiving impact, it was a time when AIDS was a horrifying divisive event in families and my best friend swore me to secrecy, not even to share his diagnosis with his family until he was prepared to inform them.  That event was two weeks before his passing.  I can admit that while I prepared myself for his death, the cumulative total of friends I lost that year was horrendous.  I lost two close friends, two good friends, and two people I knew pretty well within a six month period.  My grief at the conclusion of those six months overwhelmed me temporarily.  Shortly after that time, I was encouraged by the guy cutting my hair to consider a grief counselor.  I am so glad I pursued that suggestion.

Grief counseling allowed me to face the emotions all of us feel when someone dies, including when we face our own mortality.  We all have different ways of addressing the concept of death, from altruism to denial, and from shock to peaceful acceptance.  No way is the best, none of us master the concept well.  Some of us deny that idea of an eternal existence beyond this plane while many look forward, faithfully, to a Kingdom of Heaven based on their understanding of God.

Ultimately, I have learned some basic beliefs I use to manage grief.  While I have not had to face a certain demise in the short term, I am reminded often, by the passing of those I have met, revered or reviled, enjoyed or avoided, or simply appreciated their contributions and existence.  I have had the opportunity to be a care giver personally, part of a family facing a loved ones death, served in the capacity of comforter, distant resource, and emotional personal listener.  I hope I can share some basic suggestions and one concept I have come to advocate to those, including myself, who have that last decision to make about their remaining time, no matter how long it is.

I suggest these thoughts as ideas and truths to consider to reduce the impact of those intimate in your life, to support those you care about facing the prospect of dying or caring for someone who is dying, or simply as valuable concepts to exercise in relationships.

1.  Never allow regret to torment you.  Forgive and Restore Relationships so that memories and relationships can never grow bitter, causing damage far after a relationship is gone.

2.  Do not deny that life is a challenge.  Be merciful when someone is grieving the loss of their dreams and hopes.  You never know when you may need the same kind of mercy.  Listen with a caring heart and a open ear.

3.  Cry with those who weep.  Hug those who need one or could use one.  People who are grieving are like sponges, soaking up the tears that are not cried, and if not hugged with love, may hold the tears too long and become bitter with the experience of crying alone.

4.  Mourn after someone is gone, not before.  Thank people for their impact.  Celebrate their life while they live.  Do not delay your appreciation for someone else.  Appreciation in the moment is powerful.  Funerals are not an easy place to create an event of exuberance for someone who impacts you.  Celebrate with them .

5.  Commit to helping others and follow through.  Understand that guilt is not an emotion worth spending time to cultivate.  Be generous.

6.  Do not wait for guidance or direction.  Follow up with those you know who face the demise of those they love.  Often in the immediacy of the moment, the terror of the loss, the hopes of relief, and the pursuit of plans to relieve pain, those closest to the one facing death are overwhelmed, unable to rally others, reach out for assistance or host an audience.  Rather than await instructions or invitations, reach out regularly to with an offer to assist.  Suggest basic ideas of help that do not impose or require thought.  Offer to drop off basic items as if you already have them and were able to stop by on the way to another appointment. 

7.  Assess and Comfort.  Just as they may regularly be taking the temperature of the one they are responsible to provide care, it is important for you to assess them.  Dear friends are always welcome.  Close friends are trusted with housing disasters.  Good friends bring wine and listen for a few moments. 

8.  Honor the one who is dying, but do not forget to honor, support and encourage those who are grieving, serving and sacrificing at for the one who is dying.  Caregivers contribute more than love and service.  Many caregivers die prematurely due to the sacrifices they make to someone they love who is dying.  Their emotions are as immense and complicated as the one dying for a part of them is dying with the one passing, yet they are required to continue, sometimes with huge financial impacts and futures that appear dismal.

Finally, I have learned to have perspective and balance in my life.  I encourage those who face their death, a life and death struggle, a disease that ultimately will take them from their families, and those who face the fears of their own demise. 

I offer this one suggestion when considering your future.  Steven Covey wrote "begin with the end in mind".  I prefer to have a short and long term perspective to that concept in respect to dying.  It is as follows:

Key Choice in Facing Death
If you knew your death would be in four weeks, would you grieve every day?  Or, knowing you had that time, would you take advantage of every moment to accomplish things of significance which others would find valuable, precious or memorable. The choice is yours.  It is how I determine what is significant and where I spend the time set aside for my own purposes.

Finally, one beautiful song of immense love, acceptance, and appreciation of the human condition has encapsulated these concepts for me.  Early in the 1990's I attended a concert of the Flirtations, an acappela group.  At the end of the concert, they sang "Everything Possible".  "The only measure of your words and your deeds will be the Love you leave behind when you are gone."    Consider its truth and the beliefs of this lullaby.  It has become a mantra for me.  In fact, it is a song I hope would be sung at a celebration of my own life, should that occur.

Yet, I hope these ideas, these suggestions, dare I say these truths, will help you, assist you, or help others facing a fearful time called dying.  It isn't easy getting through life.  Certainly one of the hardest times, yet most honored places you can accept, is participating and supporting another by being present when they include you as they face this process.  It is an honor with a cost.  Yet, what great honor it is to demonstrate love not only at the beginning of life or at the middle, but also as someone nears the end.

God & Love are infallible, not Pope Francis

I am a man who considers faith to be of extreme value to those who appreciate it.  I grew up Baptist, continue in the Christian faith, even served as a pastor of a church for a few years.  While I am a protestant by definition, I have family and friends who are Catholic.  I respect them for their faith in Christ, their commitment to their institution, and their adherence to the core principles of Hope, Peach, and Charity.  While I have been persecuted by those who practice their beliefs of faith for being an out gay man, I accept that they do not believe as I do, but pray and have faith that one day God, through the Spirit, will provide the revelation required to free them from their thinking and reveal God Truth that brings us closer.

The iconic Catholic Church, a successful institution, has had many controversies over the years.  And, while I love some of the adherents of its faith, enjoy the music it has provided to the world, I have not enjoyed the impacts on those it failed, those it warred against, those it persecuted, and those it continues to subjugate and persecute today.  Even today, the Catholic Church sugjugates women and denies them leadership roles based on their interpretation of scripture and tradition, combined.  They persecute and work to deny equal treatment of the LGBT Community on the same basis.

This outright discrimination, based on interpretation and defended by tradition, frustrates me and hurts those injured by the stance of the Catholic Church, its leaders, and its continued monolithic belief in its understanding of God, its patriarchal structure, and its blind spots inherent in that structure.  While I enjoy the rich music that speaks of God, a picture of the Pope speeds me to thoughts of injustice.  The amazing and beautiful properties it owns, the art, and its historical role in the world are things to revel in, yet, when I see a Catholic Charity, I remember the Catholic's attempt to keep birth control from women.  It has served communities for a millenia, established peace in areas, reached youth, cherished the sick, and cared for the old, yet, I am reminded of Child Molestation Scandals year after year.  See, while I appreciate the good, I also understand its darkness, it history of manipulation, its secrecy, its pursuit of politics for position, its traditons, and its judgments against those who threaten it.

I admire the historic relevance of the Catholic Church.  I admire the service it provides to those less fortunate.  I admire the nuns in their volunteer service to the poor.  I cherish the discussions I have had with members of the Church, priests, and nuns in their pursuits for peace.  I believe that confession is good for the soul.  I simply differ in that I can go to the Throne of God directly through prayer without a priest having to intercede on my behalf.  Further, I would like to see a man or woman deny me entrance to heaven, when Christ holds the keys.  Symbolically, Christ gave the keys of heaven to St. Peter.  But, frankly, the Holy Spirit is that key, not the Pope.

While a friend reminds me regularly that consistency if the hobgoblin of small minds, I will register anew my frustration and disappointment in the Catholic Church, its antiquated beliefs that undermine God's value of women, the value inherent in human life despite gender, and the clear opposition to God on the God's appreciation of diversity and the human condition.  Perhaps, my frustration and disappointment stem from a faith more consistent, more active, more merciful, more engaged in faith, and more loving that the faith of the person Catholics trust as infallible since the First Vatican Council.  The Pope has been considered, by catholic religious dogma of the Church to be infallible since the First Vatican Council of 1869–1870.  The latest two Popes went so far as to toy with that concept by suggesting that since they avoid speaking infallibly, they could not be called anything less than infallible.  This includes such beliefs as the Assumption of Mary while most Protestants do not acknowledge this belief.  In fact, most would find it laughable.  Yet, their personal statements, and the support of this ancient, secretive, and antiquated organization allows it to continue concepts modern day people consider sexist and homophobic.  Their sexist and homophobic stance continues to disprove the Pope's infallibility, calling into question whether the Church could ever speak for God.

Truly, I deplore any leader who preaches separateness, incivility, or suggests that my equality, my faith, my access to God is less than their own.  At times, the only things that separates me from the Pope is that I have not been celebate, though many of the cardinals clearly haven't either, and that I don't wear a dress/robe.  (It used to be that I also didn't wear Pradas, but I purchased some two years ago, after the Devil wears Prada movie.)  Jesus hosted tax collectors and prostitues, yet urged to see them again, not deny them the Kingdom.  Would that the Pope would do the same.

This Pope is no better, nor worse, than a Jimmy Swaggart, motivating followers to submission to controlling beliefs while encouraging less than clear Biblical concepts, at the peril of those who would be imperilled by such beliefs.  With such a rich history of this consequence, the Catholic Church and its adherents have been chief culprits in Rwanda's 1994 genocide, Croatia's Serbs genocide prior to the Holocaust, Pope Pius V's regicide endorsements, and homicides.  It has a Church sanctioned history of persecution of scientists, inquisitions and deaths of Jews, waging holy wars against Muslims and other faith believers, and recent revelations identify protecting child predators within their ranks while allowing extensive child molestations by peers of the Pope himself.  So, really, the Pope becomes slightly more than a  Jimmy and a prostitute, historically.  And, not in a good way.

It is truly with great sadness that I find myself in the belief that Pope Francis is unable to have any profound leadership for Christians, much less infallability, when he is unwilling to acknowledge the equality of women in speaking as leaders of faith.  He is an antiquated mouthpiece unable to bring leadership when he endorses the second class station of those, speaking their God revealed truth and identifying as gay or lesbian, by refusing those in the LGBT Community from achieving their religiously focused values of marriage to another.  Yet, the Pope rearely dissuaded communities from dowry programs (much of the first two millenia), gold for the gates of heaven (in Brazil for centuries), or the belief of marriage as a sacred institution, when it was for millenia a business transaction, where women and domesticated animals were exchanged, at the convenience of family and politics.

God requires our own individual faith walk, our own individual exploration of his Word, and our own personal discovery of belief.  It is our responsibility to work out our own faith.  Take direction from a man in white at your own risk.  The Word itself suggests that many will be decieved by those who speak in God's name.  While I do not suggest that the Pope in the anti-christ, certainly, as many of those stuck in traditionalism, like the pharisees and sadducees of old, it took Christ himself to address the zealous focus on money, position and function to direct an entire new way of believing and pursuing God's plan.  Perhaps the Pope should share that were it not for women and their funding of St. Paul, there may not have been a Vatican in the first place.  Truth creates an amazing perspective that the Cardinals and the Pope should consider and reflect on their current opposition of inclusion of the LGBT Community in their institutions of marriage.

Gay is not fashionable, trust me.  While I am seemingly momentary, my hope, my faith, my exercise in mercy and love, my commitment to fairness, my concern for widows and orphans, the needs of the LGBT Community, and to God's Love will be impactful in the long run.  Let the Pope admit that God does not see us by gender, as it states in the Old and New Testament.  Let him lead the charge for equality for women and the LGBT Community.  Let him invite us to join together rather than divide us by history. 

I continue to pray for this Pope.  That he will lead the Catholic Church to the inclusive ideal Christ set for his Kingdom.  I pray that he confess the sins of the Priesthood, its violence toward others, especially children.  I pray that they turn from their wicked ways of denying those God created from the institution of marriage. 

I pray that he will work for the protection of the LGBT Community across the world rather than stand silently by as African nations create laws to kill these children created by God. 

I pray that Pope Francis will begin to act more like Jesus rather than the usual Popes.  You know the ones I mean, the ones under the column who rule out of fear.  The ones who judge from their windows.  The one who judged Christ, himself, Pontius Pilot.