Looking for a New Relationship – A Mercedes Mechanic | ericbrownspeaksout

Looking for a New Relationship – A Mercedes Mechanic | ericbrownspeaksout

Sleeping Beauty and the rules Disney plants that shape our lives

Images and events as a child impact our thinking for much of our lives.  Our personal interpretation of events can shape the way we interact, empowering us or hampering us as we pursue goals, chase dreams and engage life.

As a child, personal events certainly helped to shape my life.  When I was young, and my family was visiting my grandma Brown, I would give her a kiss on the cheek.  She said to me, just between us, that those kisses would keep her here forever.  Not three days later, she died.  For years, I felt I had killed her by not providing enough kisses.  Only years later, with horror and an understanding heart, did my parents realize my childish interpretation and attempt to correct the perspective.  Yet, even today, I chide myself as to whether I have done enough to help either a person, an event, a cause, or a community.

Similarly, beyond events, things we watch and enjoy as family, also help to shape our place in the world, providing guidance and ideas that might help us in our quests.  I have found that many of my most basic rules for business, choosing a home, or the way to face the world come from movies from Disney.

From the Jungle Book, there is “Bare Necessities” which instructed me to forget about my worry and my strife.  And, I carry an inordinate amount of worry at times, yet seem to thrive under it.  From Mary Poppins, who doesn’t consider a spoonful of sugar to help medicine go down when we have colds?  Heck, Mary Poppins makes every chore fun!  And, of course, deadlines certainly would not have significance were it not for Cinderella.

Yet, as a child, there is one movie which taught me more about protection, defense, developing strategy, while planting seeds of heroism, fighting the good fight, and working hard to rescue those less fortunate would be “Sleeping Beauty”.

On May 30, 2014, the new “Sleeping Beauty” called "Maleficent" will be released.  I know that it will rise or fall based on whether I find those same rules inherently supported.  You ask what those rules?  Let me share.

Rule 1.  You are safer when you live discreetly, with a guard, a gate, and a maze between you and unknown danger.

Rule 2.  Be wary of danger but always speak to turn away death.

Rule 3.  Dreams are seldom what they seem.  And, so to, are people.  Those who are what they seem are few and far between and are to be cherished.

Rule 4.  There are those who look human who are truly dragons of evil.

Rule 5.  Avoid sewing machines.  It could cost you your life.

Rule 6.  There is always someone who is willing to fight for you, someone who will break down the gates of hell to reach you.  You just might not know who that person is, yet.  But, that doesn't mean you should go to hell to find out.

Rule 7.  As you age, always be nice to those who dote on you.  For they are the ones who look out for you, love you, and encourage you, no matter your choices or destiny.  They are also the ones who magically can change the world for you.

Rule 8.  Be good to faeries.

Disney has a few rules to live up to with this new release and interpretation of “Sleeping Beauty”.  Evil is always evil but sometimes it is good to be able to sympathize with how evil is created so as to understand why forgiveness is so important.

I hope you are as excited to see the new “Sleeping Beauty”.  In my home, “Once upon a Dream” has been sung for decades.  And, the new haunting version has regularly been played from Youtube for many months now since its original release.

What rules have you held close from childhood?  And, where did you find the rule?

Reduce Apathy, Stupidity, and Pathetic Results! Vote.

For nearly 25 years, I have been stunned by those who spew "stupid" rather than consider the impact their "facts" have on the greater community.  I have contributed thousands of hours over the last 25 years serving communities to improve the plight of others, whether they be living with HIV, beginning a small business, needing housing, finding work, finding a safe place to sleep, or simply needing hope.

Yet, the one thing that always perturbs me are not those who find themselves in need, but those in the community who can not be bothered to exercise their most basic right - Voting.  They can spew their fatalism, their hopelessness, or demonstrate their laziness by not making it a priority, but voting establishes priority for issues.  It establishes whether businesses get tax cuts or people receive housing options.  It can mean the difference between providing places to play and learn for those who need these options in the public arena or no access at all to the internet age.  Governance determines whether you have at work protections improving or decreasing.  Hate inequality?  If you do, voting is one way you can change its impact.

Make a real difference for your community.

Tuesday, June 3 – Be Significant.  Make a difference for you and your community.  In the 2010 primary, the turn out in San Diego District 3 was a disappointing 27%.  If you ever get tired of politics and stupidity in politics, can you wonder why it is so boring?  Yep, because not very many people bother to make it exciting.  If the primary had an 80% engagement rate, can you imagine the discourse our community would have?  The communication would become amazingly clear.

Please take a more active role in supporting an engaged community.  Please ask your friends, family and our community to register before May 19.

Since many of you are online nearly all the time, take five minutes right now.

You can register at http://registertovote.ca.gov.  In fact, stop right now and click here.
Ignore your alarms on Facebook or the notifications from Grindr.
Do not answer your Outlook.
I know this may be stressful, but go to the bottom and press the register to vote button.
You will need your basic information like your California driver license or California identification card number, the last four digits of your social security number and your date of birth.
Complete your registration.  (I suggest you consider a permanent mail in ballot selection)

Already registered now?  Make sure you vote.
Wait!  I bet with the demands on your time you need voting to be made really simple, right?  Vote by mail like I do.  Simply request a mail ballot by May 27 and vote by mail.

It's as easy as 1-2-3-4:
1. Go to the Registrar of Voter's website (in San Diego, click here)
2. Download the application (click on Public Notices)
3. Fill out the application and mail it in
4. When your ballot arrives, vote at home!

Dates to Remember
Monday, May 19: Last day to register to vote
Tuesday, May 27: Last day to request a mail ballot
Saturday, May 31: Weekend voting at the Registrar of Voters, 8 am to 5 pm
Tuesday, June 3: Primary Election Day

Come Dine Out for Life with Eric Brown

 

 

Don't miss The Center's 8th Annual Dining Out for Life® San Diego! On Thursday, April 24, 2014, more than 80 participating restaurants, bars, coffeehouses and nightclubs in San Diego will donate a minimum of 25% of sales for The Center's HIV/AIDS services and prevention programs. Delicious, right?

Grab your family and friends and join me by making plans to Dine Out and Fight AIDS for breakfast, lunch, dinner, coffee, cocktails and more on Thursday, April 24!  Here is where I will be feasting.  You are welcome to join me!

Lunch:               The Mission - North Park DONATING 100%!
2801 University Ave, San Diego, CA 92104
619.220.8992

I will be going to The Mission at 1:30pm for lunch.  There are no reservations accepted but we can enjoy each other’s company while we wait for a table and fabulous food!

Dinner:               Bice San Diego, 425 Island Ave, San Diego, CA 92101     619.239.2623

I have set reservations for 8 at 7pm.  If you would like to join our group (so far it is four in attendance), please give me a call at 619 818 0502 or email me at newlifensd@gmail.com.

 

Breakfast:        Adams Avenue Grill DONATING 50%! April 25
2201 Adams Avenue, San Diego, CA 92116
619.298.8440

Adams Avenue Grill was already booked Thursday for breakfast.  So, we decided on breakfast on the 25^th.  Come join us at 8:30am!  They will be participating through April 27^th we can visit through the weekend.

If Love has no time limit, does Grief?

It has nearly been 9 months since that evening in August when family and friends watched as Carleton passed from this realm.  In the months since, I have stayed busy, moving from issue to issue, task upon task, addressing event after event.

For the first four months, it was difficult to have more than one thought, one focus at a time.  Grief brought a volcanic eruption of emotion that covers every inch of life within the bounds of existence.  Yet, Time provides the benefit of distance from that moment when Death's door opens and Love stolen away.  Events require attention, people attempt to connect, and important skills begin to surface once again as Life cajoles me to move forward.  At times, Life has a way of reminding you that Time has not stopped for anyone, it is just being less demanding at the moment.

In the last nine months, I have felt a plethora of emotions.   I would say that it would be easier to list the emotions I have not felt, but I could not list one.  As with any intimate loss, what may be most jarring is the emptiness.  Living in those moments when you do not remember the last smile, the last time you kissed, the last time you were held, the last time you fought.  The first few months were confusing how overwhelming my emotions were to feel and yet be able to breathe.  Time has provided new abilities to constrain those emotions, cooling them.  Yet, after any volcanic eruption of severe magnitude, it is easy to move forward and enter a moment that catches you unaware.  Those moments feel as if you break through the newly formed floor back into the searing magma of emotions, if only for minutes.

For me, the first few months my body simply needed to recover.  My skin tone returned from gray to flush.  By month four, I had regained a semblance of my normal sleep cycle.  By month five, I felt pretty strong, emotionally and at peace with all that had occurred in 2013.  Yet, it was in months seven and eight that I have had surprises.

With my new emotional landscape calming, I began to look outward.  Yet, it seems with every television program, every aspect of life, each observation of others, I am reminded that I have lost something that my heart and mind desperately wants to regain.  Spring has come and with it new experiences and surprises.

I visited Celia at her home in Palm Springs.  It was warm and the second day there, in the early morning, I threw off the comforter that covered me.  In that moment, it seemed, the smallest bit of my brain which had either not been paying attention or had merely been lulled into the past raised an alarm.  The weight of comforters was enough to convince some part of my being that Carleton was still with me.  And, the act of throwing the comforter off, that weight jarred a part of my sense of self and triggered that small place of denial into great panic and grief.  It was as if I had not grieved at all.  That small portion of my brain or self was just now starting to grieve the way the rest of me had grieved for months.  It was ready to create another eruption of emotion.

What could I do?  It has been over 6 months since Carleton had died.  But, here I was again in the midst of grief almost as intense as the weeks following his death.  On the drive back home, the grief was so intense that as I cried, I even gripped my hand closed as if I was holding Carleton’s hand, I missed him so much.  Because, we would have been holding hands on the drive home.

Now, of course, my practical side begins flaring in alarm.  It is only expected that in the first few months’ people have to give someone in grief “space” to address their loss.  But, what about after the first 6 months?  Good grief!  Did I need medication?  Is this normal?  This must be a little excessive to feel this intensity of grief again!  Grief should be on a schedule just like anything else.  I think I could allow it some hours next Tuesday.  Would that work?  All these questions, judgments and fears came rushing to the front.  I feel pretty confident that those who grieve do worry about a time limit for grief imposed by others.  And, worry too, about our own imposing when we feel a need to verbalize our grief.

What I realized over the course of the next two weeks was that a part of me simply had refused to participate in the generalized “group grief” the majority of my brain and heart had experienced over the last 6 months.  This small part that was deep inside had simply found a way to avoid Carleton’s death.  It clung to the weight of a comforter to prove it was simply a nightmare and was awaiting the finish of the dream.  It had become numb to the overwhelming immediacy of the loss and the passing of Carleton’s death.  It had hidden from reality and had chosen to hibernate.  The lifting of the comforter was truly surprising and wrenching.  That action had ripped away the comfort which had been provided to a small amount of my hibernating memory.  Its responsive grief was volcanic.

As this part of me began to erupt in grief, another part of me was exasperated with the entire grief process.  And, if I was feeling exasperated, I began to worry that those who care about me most were exasperated with my grieving, too.  Worse, I became concerned that those who simply knew I had recently had this tragic loss would be thinking “get over it already”. 

I attempted to force the grief out, down, back, whatever I could to “get back on track”.  Yet, the more I attempted to control how I felt, the less in control I felt.  How was I to manage these volcanic eruptions?

Ultimately, that is the process of grief.  Grief is.  It is the sister of Loss.  And, the reality is that Grief is going to be as loud as the pain of our Loss.  It seems that when Love passes through the Door of Death, Loss and Grief arrive.  They are never welcome nor expect to be welcomed.  Yet, Loss allows us to “see” our lost Love while Grief communicates the impact.  These twin sisters are a poor replacement for Love but the only ones allowed.  They are treasured and scorned by our Memory.  And frankly, Time does not control or have the ability to minimize Grief or Loss.  Time merely provides an avenue to create distance from these two Sisters. 

As I arrived at this understanding, I begin to breathe again.  Approaching Grief and Loss like a sister is a concept I can appreciate.  I have a great sister.  And, like my sister, Grief and Loss can be unpredictable.  Allowing space and time to allow healing when rifts occur makes absolute sense.  They must be handled with care, avoided at times, faced at times, visited at times, and definitely not taken for granted.  There will be times they require attention and some of those times will be at unexpected moments, moments that may be quite painful to experience.

But, hopefully, as in the case of my sister, these twin replacements for Love, perhaps, can find a place of peace in my Heart.  Grief and Loss will always be a part of me because they reside where Love once lived.  And, Love, being eternal, had a place for eternity in my heart.  Like my sister, they will always be in my thoughts, unlikely ever to be forgotten.  And, like my sister, perhaps we can exist without another seismic eruption to disturb the landscape for a great time to come.

Dining Out for Life San Diego, April 24th

Would you join me on April 24th and set aside breakfast, lunch and dinner out with friends?  Please participate in Dining Out for Life San Diego.



Grandma always said that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  And, look at all the wonderful restaurants who are participating in Dining Out for Life on Thursday, April 24, who agree!

Adams Avenue Grill, Babycakes, Barrio Star, Bread and Cie, Café 21 - Downtown, Café 21 - University Heights, Crest Café, Fig Tree Café - Hillcrest, Filter Coffee House - Hillcrest, Harvey Milk’s American Diner, Great Maple, Hash House A Go Go, Hill Street Café, Lil B's, Parkhouse Eatery, Snooze, an A.M. Eatery, The Mission - Mission Beach, The Mission - North Park, The Mission - SOMA, and  Urban Mo's.  For the complete list of participating restaurants beyond breakfast, you can access the list here..

I have it on good authority that when you participate in fundraising events, calories simply don't count.  That means you, and your friends can dine out for breakfast, lunch and dinner and raise funds to help those with HIV while you help fight HIV in San Diego!  Please consider inviting at least two people to join you!

The work the San Diego LGBT Community Center, and other organizations, does is important for those who are living with HIV.  And, I hope you will appreciate how important it is to me that we provide HIV support services for the community.
The last three years, Carleton and I participated in this great event.  No matter how we felt, it was important that we join with the community.  We chose Hash House A Go Go twice before moving on to another great restaurant.

This year, I look forward to starting a new tradition with breakfast somewhere! Will you join me?  Let's decide on breakfast and then after work we can conclude at Hash House a Go Go.  Hit me up here or on Facebook and let's schedule where and when to have breakfast.

Please participate.  Oh, and if you are someone who manages other people, or are a business owner, what a great opportunity to take your staff out to lunch and impact the community while you nourish those who work with you!

This is one event where you never really know who you are impacting and how important participating is to those who you know.

So, plan to treat yourself and a couple friends to breakfast, lunch and dinner for a cause.  Believe me, I urge you just this once to splurge.

Opening Day at the Padres

Sunday is Opening Day of the new season for Padres baseball.

For me, it is a reminder that Carleton is gone.  The only professional sports shirt I have is a Padres one.  Carleton gave it to me.  The only sports shirt I have a picture of is one in which Carleton and I are going to the game.  I know he would expect me to be there whether he could go or not.  I will be wearing his jersey.

I have hosted events with friends at the Padres and will do it again this year.  I can't wait to enjoy a game with Dora, Sue and Mary Jo.  See you at the game, Dora!

I will be heading to the game on Sunday to enjoy the Opening Day at the Padres and the East Village Association Block Party on the street next to Petco Park.  I will be there around 2pm.  I hope you will come down and enjoy the festivities.  And, if you have one of the sold out tickets, come inside and join me as we "root root root for the Padres."

And, this year, let's hope the Padres do great.  Because everyone knows that there is only "One, two, three strikes, you're out, in the ol' ball game."