Happy Fathers Day, Dad. You Did It, But, Should I Say Thank You?

Happy Father's Day, Dad.

It's been over two years since you left this plane.  You were run down, exhausted, in pain, frustrated, and truly at times, a pain in the side to someone.  For nearly a decade, any little thing could set you off.  I prayed when I visited that you had not just turned off Fox News to open the door.

You argued with me.  You yelled at the world.  You huffed.  You could be gruff.  You were miserable.  And, frankly, you made others miserable.

Yet, with all of that negative energy, that frustration at the world, the demands that those around you make better decisions, your expectation that others consider doing things the right way which was your way, and that they believe the things you believe, I still appreciate, love and miss you.

I acknowledge the terrible cost you paid the last decade of your life as you struggled to continue to work, to manage your physical pain, while past medical issues likely impacted every aspect of your life.  I could see regret written on your face every visit.  I could see your eyes evaluating everything and everyone as they came into the room.  While we may have left in anger and frustration from endless conversations surrounding a host of divisive issues, ultimately your children would return. 

My coming out process caused the family 5 years of horrendous holiday events, assuring the avoidance of personal revelations by other family members for decades.  To this day, emotionally, I look forward to holiday events with family by visualizing robing in medieval armor, sword, breastplate, and helm, with the weight of it increasing as the event approaches.

Which got me to thinking.  Why?  Why as adults would we as children return to see you?  I thought for years that the reason I was going home wasn't to see you, but to see Mom.  You were the mean one.  She was the wonderful one.  I was there to check in and make sure Mom was okay.  Who cares about you, mean, hurtful, rightwinger, always asking about our Walk with the Lord.  Always prying, always analyzing, always demanding, always making statements, always starting arguments, always bringing up debates which I could counter, could provide information to support my thinking, to substantiate my position, data and information and perspective that you clearly did not find approving throughout many conversations.  To the disappointment and frustration of everyone in our family.  In fact, you and I destroyed more holiday events through debate and argument than I care to ever acknowledge. 

See, for that all the negativity of the last decade (and more) before your passing, the 35 years before that were instrumental to who I am.  I could not have managed the nearly 3 years, much less much of the last 45 years without your instruction, focus, debate, demands, opinions, and strong concern and devotion for others.  I cannot imagine someone more relentless than you.  I cannot imagine someone for focused on perfectionism than you.  I cannot imagine someone more tied up in knots about issues, more concerned about others, more willing to help, more willing to listen, more willing to find solutions, more willing to fight, more willing to debate, more willing to invite others, more willing to introduce, more willing.  Except maybe me.

You shared your love of animals.  I will always proudly be able to say that my first pet was a horse.  Who can say that in this decade?  Cindy will always love her dogs.  And, Marc?  Well, let's just say is there are animals that love to reach in and get Marc's attention.  Each of us has an animal we hate.  Cindy hates spiders.  For Marc I think its snakes.  For me, trust me, those damn stinking gross bugs.  And, we learned to antagonize the other with that weakness.  Each of us has a particular squeal that the other enjoys.

You developed our competitive spirit while teaching us values and key characteristics.  You made us choose pursuits and sports.  We did not have a choice about whether we would participate in a sport, we were given a choice about which sport.  You wanted to help us understand the concept of goal development, discipline, focus, and competition.  You wanted us to win but also how to learn that we might lose.  You helped us learn team development but also insisted that we bring our very individual best.  We not only listened to coaches, we learned from you.  And, during competitions, it was your voice we could hear over any others, and so could our friends.  Fortunate for us, we chose wisely.  We swam, (Go La Grande Swin Club!) like you did.  Though Cindy was more explorative with soccer, softball, football, and the list continues.

The same with music.  Your tenor voice, Mom's alto, Mom's piano were staples in the house, not to mention the church.  You suffered through me learning violin, Marc on the flute, and we all were tormented by Cindy on trumpet.  Thank God drums were not a choice.  Yet, ultimately, you guided us to perform.  Whether through our voices or through instruments.  Yet, our performance was a result of practice, improvement, and guidance.  Values we each teach others today.

You wanted us to learn what hard work meant.  We had chores we hated, chores we loathed, and chores we suffered.  Thats why they are chores.  From shovelling manure to mowing grass to dusting and vacuuming, you and Mom provided lists and we did as little as we could to be cited as acceptable.

You tried to excite us by working on your car's engine.  Lets say that may have been your one failure.  I can hear the engine and feel the road.  But, the Car "FORCE" will never be with me.

Yet, perhaps, the things that drove us more insane was your infernal question "How is Your Walk with the Lord?"  Your relentless focus on our holiness trek would make the Pope proud and we are not even Catholic.  You did not care about whether we attended Church every Sunday.  That would be too easy.  We learned every book, every verse, every story, its intent, its development, its principles and values.  Rules you said were basics for beginners.  Principles were where we lived in our house.  Intent and purpose were more important that success or failure.  You were beyond relentless.  Why?  Because you did not provide rules that were equal.  You provided rules that were fair.  Individual rules for each individual within your home.  If I got a C (I got one once), I got a car ride for an hour in the pontiac.  It was like the "bedroom talk" but on wheels at 50 miles an hour with no escape, not even through a window!  Yet, Cindy could skate at a C and celebrations began.

So what if that concept we learned was that we were all valuable?  Does it really matter that it taught us to expect different levels of competence and skill in different areas from different people?  Does it really matter that it taught us not to judge others based on their knowledge and skill set?  Geez, dad, an hour in the car with you talking about your expectations!

You competed with us.  You insisted you would always be bigger than us.  Older than us.  You intimated wiser than us.  You were our first line doctor, our disciplinarian, our consultant, our encourager, the dreamer, the designer, the solver, the developer, the planner, the one person that could hug us and everything would be better.  You dared us to stand up to you and ultimately I did.  Several times.  Not once did it go well for either of us.  The few times it was in familial view it was never forgotten.  And, each time it took Mom to intervene. 

Only later, did I understand the power of Her Voice for you.  Her voice alone could turn you from anything.  Her squeal, her scream, her call.  It had absolute authority and absolute impact on you.  From anywhere, under any circumstance, if the voice communicated urgency, immediacy was your motivator.  And, likewise, when you were in ICU, her hand lowered your blood pressure, even while you were in a coma.  Little did I know how rare that was until the nurse shared that tidbit. 

See Dad, for all of the terrible things you were.  Disciplinarian.  Sinner.  Debater.  Hurtful.  Unreasonable.  Extremist.  Insistent.  Particular.  Perfectionist.  Frustrated.  Passionate.  Angry.  Afraid.  Terrible at Sales.  Terrible.  Forceful.  Abusive at times, Manipulator, Joker, Anti-gay, Punster, Promise Breaker.  Intimidator, Dreamer.  Yet, you were more often the Healer, Farmer, Coach, Teacher, Encourager, Theologian, Pastor, Principled, Fairness Focused, Holiness Seeker, Forgiver, Advocate, Defender, Dream with Us, Friend and Father.

In spite or because of you, regularly, I am forced to call mom.  Several times, actually, I have called mom to complain.  I have called to confess that situations arise regularly which require me to stop and get angry with you.  I get frustrated with you.  I get so made that you aren't here to yell at you.  Simply, because in the course of the day when something occurs, you pop in.  I haven't decided if its a memory tape you installed.  Whether you have joined the "committee" in my head.  Or you simply brainwashed portions of my brain.

At the end of the day, I realize in these situations that occur, or conversations in which I engage, I say something only you would say.  I will do something only you would do.  I will take on something only you would.  Fight someone only you would fight.  Help someone only you would help.  Worry about someone who only you would find concerning.  Consider or be frustrated about a process or need and how to resolve it.  And, I will then laugh, curse, and be frustrated once more that no matter how much conflicting we were, no matter the holidays we ruined, you had a purpose.  And, its at that moment, I want to stomp my feet in frustration at your duplicative success.

There are days that I admit, you might win.  I am many of those things I have mentioned here about you.  We are both dreamers.  We are definitely competitive.  We are certainly focused.  We care deeply for others.  We serve organizations and/or help others in need individually and privately.  We worry and care for widows.  We give of our selves.  We strive for perfection.  We lead, but only as servants.  We serve others, especially those in need.  We privately converse with God, though I may never darken the door of a Church except with Mom.  We get angry at stupidity and we do not suffer fools willingly.  Admittedly, in fact, I believe we may be some of the most opinionated people we know! 

So from Eldest Son to successful Father.  Happy Father's Day, Dad.  I hope know, and I hope you knew before you left us, that you helped create some fantastic kids, with a fantastic wife.  And, while we do not miss you being in pain.  We don't miss you ranting and raving (possibly because I can do it for you), We do miss you.

Your Son,
Eric

Immigration Solution - Send Senator Cruz back to Canada.

Republicans want a Step by Step approach to Immigration in the House?  Sure, Why Not?  Since Senate Democrats betrayed the LGBT Community (for Republicans).

If the House and Senate do not perform on Immigration, it greatly hurts Republicans.  Thus, the Hispanic Community likely will continue to punish Republicans for their continued hatred and marginalization of immigrants, especially those of latino decent.

Oh, happy day.  If Senate Republicans would have included LGBT members (where is Log Cabin now?) perhaps I would have more passion on the issue.  Instead, Senate Republicans will Cruz on pandering to their ancient base to their own marginalized areas of the world.  McCain can't stop them from their Texas level destruction.

One more time, can we have a leftist party?  I'm tired of Right Wing (Republican) and Right Centrist (Democrats) determining debate.  I'd like a Leftist party, too.  That way, I could enjoy a true debate in Congress.  And, perhaps, we would end the gridlock.

The bedfellow conspiracies would be way more intriguing, simply fascinating!

Kevin Atto, Thank You for your Passion and Leadership with the GSDBA

It has always been entertaining and a pleasure to spend time, volunteer, commiserate, and plan with Kevin Atto.  His passion, determination and commitment to ideas and goals are extraordinary.  While owning a business is full of challenges, he was willing to build his thriving cleaning business and volunteer to serve on the GSDBA Board at the same time.  

Kevin served on the board for approximately three years.   He served on the Executive board for a year during his service on the board.  When GSDBA wanted to create a more visible image at the San Diego Pride Parade, it was Kevin who volunteered to lead the Briefcase Brigade in the parade.  Not only did he lead it three years running, but he rallied volunteers and GSDBA members to create the moves and have them practiced to precision.  The very first year, Pride organizers were so thrilled that GSDBA won best contingent.

When urged to help GSDBA address and attract young professionals, we know it takes other young professionals.  Kevin has been a leader in developing younger GSDBA members, introducing professionals to the GSDBA and the value and benefits of simply participating with the LGBT Chamber and its allies.  While he may suggest it was my idea, the energy and the execution was Kevin and others who have made an impact to connect GSDBA to support and encourage a new wave of LGBT Professionals.  We plan, Kevin, to continue to find ways to support, encourage and improve our outreach of younger LGBT professionals in our membership.

Kevin is a great communicator of the values of being in GSDBA whether or not you are a business owner.  He easily communicates the values and importance to corporate professionals that membership in GSDBA is integral to their workplace success. 

Kevin is quite proud of reminding me, and through me, I will share this tidbit.  He will always be as old as the GSDBA.  The founders of GSDBA birthed this organization the same year that Kevin entered the world. 

Please stop by his table at the 2013 GSDBA Awards Luncheon.  His business, San Diego Pro Cleaning, is sponsoring one of the tables at the Luncheon.  While he has already filled the seats, you may want to stop by, introduce yourself, and provide your very own appreciation for his service to GSDBA.  Oh, and he is a Capricorn and he enjoys long walks on the beach.

Thank You, Tom Welch, for your professional leadership and committment

A wonderful part of my position as Board Chair of GSDBA is the opportunity to thank people who volunteer to make important decisions.  They set aside their valuable time to help our Chamber create an environment where the LGBT community can develop and grow their dreams of owning a successful business or pursue their professional goals.   It is always an honor to work with these professional leaders in their passion to serve others, in their drive to help GSDBA members create opportunities for financial success while advocating for our values of diversity and opportunity.  These are values that benefit the LGBT Community and the Greater San Diego area.

Tom Welch served the GSDBA on the Board of Directors from Sept 2008 to Oct 2012.  During that time he served on the Inaugural Committee that celebrated the 30^th Anniversary Celebration of GSDBA and established the Annual Awards Event and continued to serve on the Awards Luncheon Committee through 2012.  He was elected to serve as the Vice Chair while Jon Borgeson served as Board Chair. 

Tom’s professional skill and appreciation for detail were key to GSDBA comprehensively reviewing and updating the extensive GSDBA Policies and Procedures.    Working with Tom Luhnow and others, he completed this undertaking to provide clearer direction, easier and more effective execution of policies, services and procedures while incorporating new policies guidelines to improve transparency and communication.  These enhancements allow the GSDBA to serve GSDBA Members while improving communication between the CEO, the Board of Directors, and GSDBA Members.  Tom served as GSDBA Board Chair for the last 18 months of his service.

Tom left the Board of Directors when the bank where he worked was acquired by Pacific Commerce Bank.   Tom Welch now serves as the Senior Vice President and SBA Department Manager at Pacific Commerce Bank. 

Tom Welch will not be able to attend this year’s GSDBA Business Awards Luncheon.   Rest assured that at a future GSDBA event, we will make present any of your e-mails and notes of appreciation to him, along with our famed “Crystal Gavel” Honor which we present to those individuals who serve as Board Chairs of GSDBA.

Tom wanted me to communicate how much he enjoyed meeting new members and new people as he served GSDBA.  He values the opportunity to serve and lead on the Board and has looks forward to watching the organization continue to grow and develop as it did while he served. 

His last words in our visit were that I would publically share his thanks with the Greater San Diego Business Association Board of Directors for their volunteer leadership, contributions, and dedication to working with him to make GSDBA a better organization.  He truly appreciates each of the Directors investment of their time, skills, and professional insight as they serve to make the decisions that continue to make GSDBA a valuable organization in San Diego and the LGBT Community.

The IRS, Scandal, and Citizens United

I thrive on fairness, the application of fairness, and the pursuit of fairness.  With that concept in mind, I believe that Republicans should consider their next full court press as the Tea Party erroneously smells victory against the Obama Administration.

Did the IRS have one department focus a portion of their customary targeting practices dispropotionately on organizations with similar characteristics requesting tax exempt status?  True.  Or, to use a term by Republicans - Guilty as Charged.  Whether this was politically motivated is questionable. 

Have previous Republican Administrations officials used the IRS to target organizations?   True. Or, to use a term by Republicans - Guilty as Charged. The NAACP went through a two year investigation by the IRS mere months after running an ad that the Bush Administration did not like.

Does the IRS have authority to consider and execute blanket review of "like organizations" when considering tax-exempt status?  True.  Or, to use a term by Republicans - Guilty as Charged.

Are many Tea Party organizations reviewed by the IRS mere ghost and secondary organizations likely associated with larger and directly politically related?   True. Or, to use a term by Republicans - Guilty as Charged.

Did these organizations merit further review?  Most Americans would agree that 501(C)4 organizations are to be provided special tax status based on a community benefit further defined and useful to our democratic processes.  That benefit would arguably be worthy of special tax status.

What is crucial in the IRS Scandal is that smaller, less funded organizations were cited for review rather than well-funded organizations. GPS, Cross Roads, and their ilk clearly use the Citizens United schemes yet were left virtually alone. The anger that Senate Democrats vented at the IRS stems from the clear avoidance of reviewing wealthy organization while bullying the true patriots at the grass roots level.

Yet, much of the IRS Scandal stems from a more serious threat to our government and democracy.  The focus by Republicans on either IRS rogue agents or the Obama Administration skirts the much more sinister and troubling impacts of a Supreme Court decision titled Citizens United.  The media's focus on the myopic view, communicated by Republicans, is similar to worrying about a wrinkle around your eye as your internal organs are entombed in cancerous tumors. Citizens United is destroying transparency in our political process, it purchases leadership in Washington, destroys any chance for bipartisanship solutions, while raising tax revenues on the smaller income earners and the individual, reducing welfare and national safety net protections, while defending and promoting corporate welfare. 

When the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Corporate America, overturning key limits on Campaign Finance, it provided exceptional abilities to wealthy individuals and Corporate America to further control the democratic process.  The Conservative and Activist Supreme Court, with Scalia in the lead, developed a special right which was non-existent, recognizing Corporations as individuals.  This special right provides a powerful pathway for corpoations, wealthy individuals and groups to create Super PACs, protect the identy of donors, overturns any Congressional limits on contributions, and infuses the election process with billions of new dollars, whiler avoiding regulatory scrutiny or review by the public. 

The clear threat of intimidation, fear and secrecy provided by the extremist Supreme Court decision, Citizens United, has impacted democracy since the 2010 election cycle.  The coordinated efforts of large donors financing the Tea Party, or any other specific agenda, has already been seen as it destroys political careers in individual districts through massive increases in fundraising for political races, protecting its corporate future through Congressional strategy, or minimizing the judicial impact of its corporate impacts on society.

In seriously large amounts, individuals could, and in fact did, contribute massive amounts of dollars to districts throughout American to support and defend the political landscape in 2010 and the 2012 election cycles without fear of review, disclosure or public scrutiny.  In fact, the media reported one clear decision in the 2012 campaign specific to Citizens United.  The Koch Brothers gave $100 million additional dollars to Republican Super Pacs for 2012 for the Paul Ryan Vice Presidential slot.  Morally called a bribe, yet, today perfectly legal.

Likely over $1 Trillion dollars was spent in 2012 by shadow organization in politics to define America's future through these 501(c)4 organizations.  The IRS has been and will continue to be ill prepared to address the ramifications of Citizens United. 

Ultimately, the American public and both political parties, to avoid complete and utter anarchy, should seek a Constitutional Amendment to reverse the stupidity of Citizens United and the fallacy that corporations are individuals.  Until then, we will likely continue to raise questions that in fact are based in legal fact, which are morally horrible, but we will continue as a nation to be complicit in the death of democracy, or as I declare it, Guilty as Charged.

A Thank You Is Never Enough, Nick Toledo, TSYS Merchant Solutions

A wonderful part of my position as Board Chair of GSDBA is the opportunity to thank people who volunteer to make important decisions.

GSDBA Board of Directors volunteer their time and set aside valuable time to help our Chamber create an environment where the LGBT community can develop and grow their dreams of owning a successful business or pursue their professional goals. It is always an honor to work with these professional leaders in their passion to serve others, in their drive to help GSDBA members create opportunities for financial success while advocating for our values of diversity and opportunity. These are values that benefit the LGBT Community and the Greater San Diego area.

Nick Toledo works as a TSYS Merchant Advocate at TSYS Merchant Solutions, a Sponsorship Partner of the GSDBA. Nick Toledo served on the GSDBA Board as a Director and as the Committee Chair for Ambassadors from December 2011 to December 2012. The Ambassador Committeeis one of the most popular programs of GSDBA.

Nick Toledo led the Board decision to merge the Ambassadors Committee and Membership Committee. He has participated in a BNG for years and served with the Ambassadors as well. His reliability and passion in participating in his Business Network Group and Ambassadors, while advocating for new program development to serve members brought him to his leadership time with the GSDBA Board.

He developed the GSDBA Board strategy for a comprehensive approach to Membership Development, which could oversee the process from Member Recruitment and Introduction through to Engagement and Member Retention. The merger of the Ambassadors Committee and Membership allows one committee the ability to manage the new member experience at events while providing membership benefit information.

I asked Nick Toledo what I should let other GSDBA Members know about his experience at GSDBA that I could share with them. He said that as a GSDBA Member, you have to get involved a BNG Group or join a committee to utilize your membership to its fullest business potential. He also felt that participating and volunteering with GSDBA can be a great person growth experience.

TSYS Merchant Solutionswill be sponsoring a table at the GSDBA Annual Business Luncheon. I hope you will stop by at the GSDBA Business Awards Luncheon to thank him for his service. To learn more about TSYS and their sponsorship of GSDBA, you can contact Nick Toledo at ntoledo@tsys.com or to learn more about TSYS, check them out at www.tsysmerchantsolutions.com.

Please congratulate him for TSYS being named to Ethisphere's 2013 World's Most Ethical Companies.

Faith, Women and Equality

Today, I read a story from Amanpour on CNN urging women to pursue their education and their power.  The way women are treated in Afghanistan horrifies me.  Yet, in my own country, we have men who hold women hostage for decades.

My faith belief is that God created M en and Women in the Image of God.  That image is Spirit and Truth.  The value of Men and Women is our combined, and individual, exploration and exercise of that Spirit and Truth and in our (life, personality, truth, wisdom, love, holiness, justice).  

I believe most people would prefer not to be valued based on their genitalia.  Yet, for thousands of years, the human race, and many of its faiths, has done so.   It saddens me at that loss of potential which God intended.  And, when those who believe women are not the equal of men, I have asked whether they believe God has a penis.  I rarely hear a "cocky" answer.  With such a question, even idiots are careful to consider their response.

I pray women everywhere will feel they are the equal to men.  They are not better or more, they are equal.  Yet, at times, even in the Western World, I meet women who hope they are, they don't know they are.  It always astonishes me.  Yet, that would be because I am not female, have not honored a faith that considered me inferior, nor heard or believed any regular messaging which enforced lies of oppression or inferiority.

I regularly see women in business meetings quietly attending.  Few rooms encourage debate, fewer meetings encourage strong opinions to be shared.   The environment where men have argued and debated was for thousands of years was rarely invaded by women.

I meet women weekly who are stunned to learn that men don't receive better financial training, in secret classes, separate from women.  Frustrated, I engage them, educate them, and never patronize them.  Many feel they are the only ones who do not understand investing concepts.  The reality is that neither do most men.

Over the last 20 years, I have learned the staggering loss created by missed opportunities that create reality.  Yet, women in room after room, where I attend meetings do not fully participate.

Last year, in a meeting I attended by financial advisors, the gender make up of the room was nearly even.  The company providing the training had selected professional experts, without specific intent, excluded women from those expert presentations.  Half way through the three day meeting, the CEO of this corporation made a presentation.  At the completion of his presentation, I was the first to raise my hand with a question.  I asked a basic question about the gender representation on his Corporate Board, relating it to the speaker line up.  As the CEO quickly reviewed the line up, he was stunned, then quickly provided information about the female leadership through out the company.

I was pleased with the answer, but disturbed by what happened next.  The woman sitting next to me quickly told me thank you, admitting that she wouldn't bring herself to ask that question. At the break, nearly every woman in the room came up to me to say "thank you for your question".  Astonished and discouraged, I realized I was the one who asked the question no one else was willing to ask.  Yet, it is one question of challenge which benefits all.

My astonishment could be due to the reality that I have a mother who is exceptional, a sister who is unstoppable, and female friends, clients, and relatives who challenge any concepts or suggestions of inferiority or oppression based on their gender.   It might also be due to the fact that women in my life speak out (or call you out).  It has taught me to do the same.

Ultimately, women will become their own best advocates.  Their Spirit and their Truth will continue to challenge them to develop their equality.  Until then, I am one who will speak out when they either can not or will not.

Consider the reason I am passionate about equality.  The theme of choice and equality for women is echoed throughout the Bible, yet rarely communicated.  When so many have Faiths that seem to flourish with messages of superiority, I have found in the same Faith the demand to expect the values of Equality.

My Faith confirms the equality of women with men.  From Genesis to Revelations, I read stories where women are leaders, where women are consulted, where women are the main sources of support.  These facts and stories developed my beliefs into a simple principle repeated in Old and New Testaments.  It is the principle that God does not value gender nor despises what gender you are, only some people do.