Five Federal Policy Changes to Save $500 Billion.

Change Policy and Save Money

After the Fiscal Cliff negotiations are over and politicians move on to the next great crisis they have created, Americans should consider Five Strategic Policy Changes to impact and reduce America’s expensive Federal Investments.

Lobbyists Oppose Five Specific Policy Changes Americans could adopt to reduce the Fiscal Cliff impacts but lobbyist oppose.  If Americans truly wanted to end deficit spending and big government, they might want to inform their representatives of these specific changes in government policy:

End the Drug War: The federal government spends more than $15 billion a year investigating and prosecuting the War on Drugs. This does not include the far higher costs of incarcerating millions of people for doing drugs. Ending the Drug War offers the government two separate strategic budget benefits. In addition to saving all the money spending investigating, prosecuting and incarcerating drug offenders, Uncle Sam could actually regulate and tax drugs like marijuana, generating new revenue. Studies by pot legalization advocates indicate that fully legalizing weed in California would yield up to $18 billion annually for that state's government alone. For the feds, the benefits are even sweeter.

Prison Reform:  America incarcerates 5 percent of the world population but 25 percent of the prison population.  The federal portion alone on this well supported lobbying consortium costs $68 billion a year.  Why not consider releasing elderly convicts unlikely to commit crimes, offering treatment or counseling as an alternative to prison for non-violent offenders, slightly shortening the sentences of well-behaved inmates, and substituting probation for more jail-time?  Stop buying into “tough on crime” measures.  The measures tend to target minority populations rather than address crime.

Let Medicare Negotiate With Big Pharma:  The U.S. has higher health care costs than any other country. We spend over 15 percent of our total economic output each year on health care -- roughly 50 percent more than Canada, and double what the U.K. spends.

The American private health care system, even with the new health law overhaul remains inefficient, and the intellectual property rules involving medication in the U.S. keep prescription drugs much more expensive than in other countries.  For instance, Atripla costs an patient $1300/month.  Under the Clinton AIDS initiative, patients receive the same treatment for $1/day. 

Medicare currently spends about $50 billion a year on prescription drugs. According to economist Dean Baker, Americans spend roughly 10 times more than they need to on prescription drugs as a result of our unique intellectual property standards.

These savings for the government, of course, would come from the pockets of major pharmaceutical companies, currently among the most profitable corporations the world has ever known. They also exercise tremendous clout inside the Beltway. President Barack Obama even guaranteed drug companies more restrictive -- and lucrative -- intellectual property standards in order to garner their support for the Affordable Care Act.

Off-Shore Tax Havens - The U.S. Treasury Department estimates that it loses about $100 billion a year in revenue due to offshore tax haven abuses. Sen. Carl Levin (D-Mich.) has been pushing legislation for years to rein in this absurd tax maneuvering, but corporate lobbying on Capitol Hill has prevented the bill from becoming law. 

Deprivatize Government Contract Work:  In recent years, the federal government has privatized an enormous portion of public projects to government contractors. Over the past decade, the federal government's staffing has held steady, while the number of federal contractors has increased by millions. This outsourcing has resulted in much higher costs for the government than would be incurred by simply doing the work in-house. On average, contractors are paid nearly double what a comparable federal employee would receive for the same job, according to the Project On Government Oversight.

 

Immigration: Less Detention, More Ankle Bracelets:  The government spends $122 per person, per day detaining immigrants who are considered safe and unlikely to commit crimes.  The government has plenty of other options available to monitor such people, at a cost of as little as $15 per person.

For the first 205 years of America's existence, there was no federal system for detaining immigrants. The process began in 1981.

Do the math.  It is time Americans stop talking and whining about their taxes.  They need to start asking what these taxes are for, challenge the policy in place and, for the first time in American history, eliminate part of the structure.  Republicans are as unsuccessful in the elimination of any program as Democrats.  While this last year, there was Republican debates about eliminating the EPA, there was not one rational discussion of the specific suggestions on this list.  Yet, rational consideration ultimately finds nearly everyone agreeing these changes would positively impact future federal budgets.

My Remembrance Tradition

This morning, I grabbed the wrapped Christmas Cookies I found in my stocking at Christmas.  I sat on the couch to the news section of CBS online to review the news.  As I quickly glanced past stories on the Fiscal Cliff, Storm Sandy, and Sandy Brook - all grave impacts to Americans -I stopped, as I seem to do every year, at the traditional segment.  I looked down to realize next to me is my last Christmas Cookie of the Season!  This last Christmas Cookie symbolizes the start an annual personal tradition. 

This time of year, from Thanksgiving until New Years, is always special and emotional for me.  I smile with friends, attend celebrations, share gossip with old friends, run into old flames, commiserate with associates, and listen to stories from those who seem nearly ancient.  I celebrate the Birth of Christ, listen to Handel’s Messiah at least once, hear retelling of family stories, and reconnect with that little kid once was.  For me, this personal celebration of Life, Family, Friends, and Faith reconnects me with my Family, my old friends, and to my History. 

This season brings tremendous Joy, where even Heavens Angels and the most notorious of Scrooges among us seem to participate, and it heightens the memories of the lives that impact us.  When most of the festivities are over, after the temporary expansion of the belt, when I have the last of Mom’s Annual Christmas Cookies, I am left with a deeply important personal tradition. 

With the Christmas Cookie by my side, I begin to reflect on the year.  With that cherished last Santa Claus, I reflect on all the Joy of this Season, all the Laughter, every special time spent, all the tradition, every smile, and all the Hope.  Often, this tradition is ushered in by either the first sighting of the "In Memoriam" section from a News organization or realization of the last Christmas Cookie from Mom.  Depending on the year it may be for minutes, but usually it is for quite a bit longer. 

I treasure all of the story-telling, gathering with friends and family, and enjoying the emotions that accompany the fabulous food, the concerts, and the gifts.  I even look for the same baubles on the tree, each year, just to make sure the special ones are there.   Yet, with all the joyous merry making, the ghosts of Christmases Pasts and Experiences Past rise up, to comfort, to haunt, to encourage, and to remind.  I am certainly not immune from their visits. 

Since the early 1990s, when I was nearly devastated from nearly monthly losses of both family and friends, I began to respond to the seemingly overwhelming moments of grief, regret and loneliness that can accompany those ghosts when they visit.  In the deepest moments of grief, loss, and devastation, I needed a time to grieve personally, heal emotionally, and hopefully move through the depression, loss and hurt.

Over the years, it is with the last Christmas Cookie, which seems to be what represents for me the most hopeful thoughts, most loving traditions, the most powerful positive emotions, that I open up to those other emotions.  I take the time to celebrate the memories of those who I still miss, those I still love, those I wish were still here, and those who were most relevant in my life, but who I can no longer touch, visit or hug.   And, it is personal, because for those moments, those hours, I am at one time singing and rejoicing in having known them, yet in the next moments sobbing, with tears streaming down my face for still missing them so terribly much.

This Remembrance Tradition allows me to balance the loss of my Father with the many values, experiences and DNA faults he passed on to me.  My mom has often identified which DNA I inherited from my dad.   It helps me balance the regrets in my life with the achievements.  And, at the end of this experience, I find forgiveness, love, hope, and strength.  I also laugh as I remind him that this year, I had more Russian tea cakes than he did.

I greatly miss Doug, Mike, Kevin, and a host of other dear friends who died of AIDS and the devastating illnesses that accompany that disease.  Yet, through this annual time I set aside to add to that terrible list, I carefully reflect and rejoice that I have also added friends, close and dear as well.  I have learned that when I am feeling overwhelming grief in the loss of a friend, that I will find love in some moments in the past or future.  While in this moment I once again visit the cave in my memory left by a dear friend, carved out by love but drained out by loss, I can find peace in reflecting on the acceptance I felt when I was with them, the love they gave and that I returned. 

Yet, new losses touch old more painful loss.  I understand that if I never loved again or made a new friendship, I would never have to grieve again.  I miss friends who died suddenly, like Willow, yet reflection tempers grief.  Tthrough establishing this tradition of reflection and remembrance, I have found ways to remain open to new friendships, revel in old relationships, and revere the intimate moments between friends laid bare in crisis without becoming depressed, stuck in the past, or left with feelings of abandonment. 

I balance the personal losses with the realization that I have those around me who stand in their place.  When I have felt some of the most overwhelming feelings of grief, it is in these moments when I remember the truths of this personal tradition.  Even when I feel alone, the truth is that there are always friends ready to rush to my side to comfort, care and worry about me.   

In moments when overwhelming fear commands my attention, when the fear of loss staggers me, when my energy is pressed beyond my abilities, I have friends who call, intervene, or rush to my aid.  And, in this moment, I can let out all the pain, terrible fear, anger at life’s cruelty, and accept my feelings of exacerbation hurt, because just as those emotions overwhelm me and tears flow down my cheeks, the thoughts of friends close by and far away balance me, bringing me stability, thoughts of comfort, and ultimately back to the couch, where I find that Santa has been consumed.

Then, I laugh.  My moments of grief aren’t over.  My moments of despair have not come to an end.  I have not attended my last funeral.  I will still lose another best of friends; I will someday soon lose one of those who adopted me into their home.  I will probably still find myself grieving with someone who will die of AIDS.  Yet, I know I will still rush to their side to comfort them.  It is what I do, who I am, and why I treasure this Remembrance tradition.

This tradition reminds me to maintain perspective.  These moments remind me of the values I have been taught, the wisdom that has been gained, the wide range of emotions that we are able to express, and the overwhelming experiences we can endure. 

Over 20 years of this Remembrance Tradition has allowed me a process of facing overwhelming feelings of grief, extraordinary pain and terrible losses.  It continues to revitalize my will, my love, encouraging my laughter and my hope.  One day, I will meet the little old ladies I met when I was a kid.  I will see my Dad and grandparents.  I will see those who were in pain and could no longer stay here.   It is no wonder to me that I set this time aside.  As I finish my active grieving, wash away my tears, box up the memories, and usher out the ghosts, I remember where I left a gingerbread man who survived! 

With the Gingerbread Man in hand, I can confidently say I have faced horror, grief, loss, and overwhelming emotions.    I am able to hug and hold someone who needs the same kind of comfort I needed. 

Perhaps that is why I select the last Christmas Cookie or the “In Memoriam” as my starting point.  With all the love of my Mother's heart, I start facing current hurts and pains, face the old ones, and prepare for the new.  With the symbols of love, hope, and goodness, I can face any of the emotional darkness.  During the celebration of the Prince of Peace, these moments restore my being and my foundation to a place of Peace.  And, each year, at the end of these moments, I thank the Lord for my Mom, this year’s Christmas Cookies, the experiences of this year, no matter how good or how awful.  I pray for my friends and family.  I pray that the next year brings “Yes and More”.   I take the time to raise the last small portion remaining of my Christmas Cookie, break it, Commune quietly with the past, with the grief, embrace it all and let it go so that I can get ready for next year without hindrance, hurt or harm. 

 

A Prayer to God for Our Federal Leaders (My prayer)

Preface to my prayer:
I grew up in a family that attended La Grande First Baptist Church in La Grande, Oregon.  In that small community, in that church, I learned to pray.  Years later, while attending another small church in Portland, Oregon, I was asked to lead that church as its pastor for over 3 years.  It is an experience I will treasure, one that allowed me to appreciate people whatever their circumstance and whoever they are.

One of the most special times I have on my own is in prayer.  You might find it funny, awkward, or weird, but talking directly to God is my way of wrestling with my passion, my judgement, my frustration with the present, the hurts of the past.  And, with the politics of our nation.

So, after a year of rancorous screaming, villianizing, fact checking (IE correcting the liar), and divisiveness, it is important to create a spirit of peace, forgiveness, and hope for a unity of purpose.  And, as you might see in this prayer, I foresee that there might be just a tad bit of need for prayer during this next seven weeks of Congress 2012.   

Do not be offended by my prayer, it is how I communicate with my God.  He understands me, appreciates my sarcasm, regularly addresses my judgements, appreciates my passion, teaches me what is most important to Him and loves me unconditionally.  Because, if you knew me, like He knows me, you would have to love me unconditionally, too. 

And, just like any pastor, my prayers can get lengthy.  I won't be surprised if you fall asleep before the end.

My Prayer to God for Our Federal Leaders

Father,

Thank you for uniting America under Obama for another four years.  I praise you for the work you have accomplished under his leadership.  A recovering economy, a movement for equality for several groups of minorities, the reduction of war, the work of peace, the improvement of the plight of women and widows, and the creation of a wise plan to provide health care, access, hope, and mercy for millions of Americans without health care options.

Lord, I do not understand your wisdom or your ways.  For instance, why would you leave the House in the hands of those who would destroy safety nets for the very ones you commanded us to protect – widows and orphans?  While you recognize the equality of women by taking the rib of Adam to create Eve, many of the party of majority write and propose laws to limit the power of a woman to control and protect themselves. 

I do offer up Thanksgiving for your mercy.  I praise those in Congresses past for creating FEMA, the EPA, and many of the institutional agencies of the federal government that protect us from indiscriminate greed, abuses of power, while working to be custodians of the world you created, and focusing us on maintaining clean air, address climate changes, while providing relief for those who find themselves lost.  I am blessed to live in America where we run to others who are in need of help, rather than running away from them.

I know that the next months will be difficult for a divided house.  I understand the racism that continues to face President Obama from certain parts of the political leadership we have elected.  I would pray that you would smite the hate, decimate those who would worship greed, lust, gluttony, and the other deadly sins you have named.

I call on you, Most Holy One, to address those who worship the wealthy rather than follow in your footsteps.  Many have made wealth status their god and you would have no other gods before you.  They worship tax cuts at the expense of the care of those in need, those orphaned, and those who are most vulnerable.

I pray for President Obama as he faces 7 weeks of negotiation with a House Divided.  I pray that he and the other men representing factions within the political house are able to find wisdom, common ground and a strategy that can unite America.  And, I praise you for the divine increase of women in both house of Congress.  You RULE, Lord!  Finally, maybe the boys will start to act their ages, with ladies in attendance, rather than make Congress smell and act like a locker room.

Thank you for your wisdom and providence to our country.  Please provide us guidance as we face climate change, while fulfilling your commands of caring for widows (medicare and social security), orphans (caring communities) and aliens (immigration reform).

Please forgive Paul Ryan for his reprehensible focus on destroying our safety nets for widows and orphans yet never once during his campaign suggesting any reforms or cuts to one of the largest areas of federal spending - defense.  Forgive him for his worship of false idols, like Ann Rand.  This terrible belief that employees are but parasites is awful.  And, forgive those who worship at the altar of job creators, rather than work for and appreciate all Americans as you created each one individually and with purpose.

I pray for the day that we can ground our swords into ploughshares, as we started to do in the 1990s under Clinton.  Perhaps, with consolidated efforts, Congress can find restraint and courage.  They would show this when they reduce Defense spending by only providing the DOD the funding for the things the DOD would like, rather than by forcing the DOD to pay for things they don't use any more.  I pray that the DOD can finally close bases that they have wanted to close for 20 years.

Lord, you know that I believe a strong defense encourages peace.  Yet, without faith, hope and love, there can never be true peace.  Can you please allow wisdom, hope, and fairness win out over ego, extremism, and greed this holiday season? 

Lord, you ask that we render to Ceasar what is Ceasar's.  But, I have a question.  If people get paid under the table, do not report income, avoid paying taxes, write off expenses that are specious, but are legal only for special interests, currently, or are for personal use, but they run a business, is that a sin?  Because, I find it confusing to find people find this honorable in many parts of America while they complain about those who faithfully pay their own full shares into the government and currently might be receiving an entitlement.  Which one is the Your Way?  I hope you will not refer me to the IRS with that question.

I have to ask, is Grover Norquist the fourth person of the Trinity?  Because this election cycle, it certainly appeared to be readily apparent that he might be, the way Republicans cling to him.  Would you please speak directly to Frank Graham about his partisanship?   Billy Graham was your voice in the wilderness for millions of Americans since the 1940s, bringing salvation to those who were lost but now are found.  Yet his legacy has become tarnished by the strident and less than evangelical voice of his son, Frank, as he lends his organization to Republicans rather than by remaining in your camp, solely. 

I praise you for delivering Karl Rove and revealing him to everyone as the silvery serpent his is.  He spent $300 million and You, my Great God, denied him Power.  Praise Your Name!  I praise you for the increased representation of women in the leadership of our great nation.  I have great hopes for the future when women and minorities of every kind are at the table for the great decisions we face.

Lord, do you really believe that Corporations are people?  Did you die on the Cross for corporations?   I cannot find in any of your Great Book words of you spilling your blood to save corporations.  Perhaps you might want to visit with the third branch of our government and speak to the hearts and minds of those in our judicial arena?

Lord, I leave it to our politicians to create a path for America regarding tax cuts, estate taxes, fiscal cliffs, stupidity they create, and harms they harbor toward other Americans.  I pray for the increase of our civil rights after nearly 12 years of harsh devastation of our civil rights by our own leaders!  I pray for a restoration of our rights, a trust in our fellow man, and an increase of peace with other nations.

Jesus Christ, I hope that your words are heard by our leaders.  I pray that peace, prosperity, and hope will be written into law this Holiday Season.  While You alone are the Great, I hope you can get our Congress and President to come to a table of peace, create some certainty for our financial and tax futures, without destroying futures of some of our most vulnerable in the process.

I want to thank you for creating such diverse and wonderful people, had them come or had them born in America, that you do not see us by gender, by creed, or by nationality.  Your New Testament and Old do not begrudge love, but You only deny heaven to those who do not love.  Your wisdom is magnificent.

I pray for great solutions from this re-elected President, oh Lord.  A resolution to our fiscal cliff, a moderation in partisanship, hope and mercy for those less fortunate, justice for those who are wronged, and corrective action for those who lie, cheat, steal or lobby – well, and bankers, too.

I have great hope that in the next four years, under your watchful eye, Congress will repeal DOMA, allowing gays and lesbians the same honors as all other American citizens.

I have great hope that there will be signed into law workable reform of immigration so that Hispanics would not be deemed outsiders, but would be brought into the tent of our good fortune.

Lord, protect us from crazy people, both here and abroad.  Give us your grace to forgive those who argue incessantly, demonize creatively, and attempt to divide America.  Thank you for delivering us from those who think it is in your natural order that women be raped.  Your love never ceases to amaze me.

Yes, Lord, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.  For this is all for which we can ask, as you have provided to us so much more.   I look forward to the next four years with hope, with love, and forgiveness.  Let not the last year of divisive rivalry deny America solutions for its issues.  And, let us begin to reject politics of hate and division.

In your most precious name.  Amen.

PS.  Protect PBS.  I can’t handle the idea of more fundraisers on television and radio!

J. Michael Frasier, the Educator who gave me a voice.

In a recent facebook posting, I challenged the apathetic, the uncommitted and the disinterested in voting to de-friend me, because they just don’t seem to understand that what happens in government affects people I love.  And, I believe these people I love need my help, and I need my friends to help me to help them.  Pretty simple, in my mind.  And, if you are a friend, you help.  And, if you don’t help, you aren’t a friend. 

My former high school choir teacher with several choirs, J. Michael Frasier responded humorously by injecting that he was sorry, but he was still on my friend list. 

And, in his mirth, he reminded me of something I want to share with my friends.  It is about my choir teacher, Mr. Frasier. 

First, Mike, I never expected you would accept me as a friend on Facebook.  Yet, with your comment and smile, I admit I was hoping you would remain. 

In truth, I cannot imagine how many students discoverd how to sing under your direction.  You were Glee decades before Glee.  You made it cool for football high school students and farm boys to join the choir.  You had the cool and the geeks talking to each other rather than at each other.  You taught harmony, but the real scare was that each would have to perform and depend on the other.  Who can do that?   Well, you. 

One of the first introductions to you was in the late 70's and I was attending a May Music Week festival in La Grande, Oregon.  One of my babysitters from La Grande First Baptist Church was one of the May Music Week Courth and my sister (I am sure that picture is somewhere here) was attending as part of the Queen and Court, I believe. 

My grandmother, with a critical evaluation, during intermission described your conducting style as a maddening dancing little hen.  I laughed, stunned by her description, and found myself mesmerized by the way you kept a huge acapella choir focused.  She just recognized you infused your entire body with musical direction.  I'm also pretty sure she was simply distracted by your backside in black trousers, directing the sides of the choir from your discoteque dapper look and the gyrating to keep the tempo going.  It was the 70's, after all.

I cannot imagine whether the students appreciated your abilities, your intensity or your vast reserves of energy and imagination.  You taught me to cherish harmony, blending of voices, pitch, the value of varying the tone and volumes, and of course something I never felt comfortable doing, movement.  Your vision even had me on stage singing "Hand Jive" in Grease.  No one today could possibly think that would have been me.  (Secretly, I can still do the entire song word for word, for fear you might challenge me to do it on stage, with none of the other kids, just to make sure I could do it, just sayin.)

I first sat in a choir under your direction in 7^th grade, one year.   You never commanded respect, you simply held it in class.  You taught us to appreciate and expect something from chaos and with your help, we delivered entertainment, confidence and even stage presence.  You taught us focus and appreciation for languages we would never understand and we spoke powerful words of faith that today still give me goosebumps when I hear them. 

In music, you examined all sorts of emotions with us, you demonstrated emotions safely for us, you allowed to express emotions safely in that large choir room.  It became for some one of the rare rooms of peace, safety, and hope.

Your interest in our voices, something you craved for us to give you to mold, no matter how meek we were challenged us.  You demand that we get beyond ourselves emboldened us.  And, many of us found our voices for the first time and some of us have never let that value leave us.   In a conservative little town, a music teacher was teaching a Conservative Baptist teenager to find his voice, move his feet, and care about his world – through songs, languages, harmonies, varying styles, without supporting tunes, and sometimes with intermittent changes simply to throw life at us.  You were creating voices and filling the minds with the possibilities of other cultures, other languages, other people, and other ways.  And, what is funny, is that I didn’t know it at the time – and that is when I realized how great an educator you truly are.

Others have heard me sing in choirs for years, yet I rarely set aside time to share in those community events.  When someone in a church suggest I sing in their choir, I simply say thank you, and you and my Aunt Wendy are the two people I thank for the education and voice control. 

I may very well continue to sing until my last breath songs you taught us - some which gave me hope and a smile since 7th grade.  You taught the choir a song, "Come along with me, I'll show you where the grass is greener."  And, from that point in time, you gave me that song.  It could cheer me out of any cruel place and every situation that was uncomfortable.  Hopelessness has little ground with me when I have songs from Church and songs you shared and helped us to memorize.

You may have been the first teacher who let me know through song what many in the LGBT Youth today crave to hear desperatelly.  In La Grande, Oregon, you were teaching students that "It Gets Better".   I realized when reading a Rolling Stones article early last year that shared the awful devastation of LGBT Teen Suicide in Rep Bachman's district.  The combination of events over the last 15  years in that district could have been in La Grande when I attended.  I, too, would have been one of those horrible statistics.  Then, I remembered that in La Grande the school board at that time valued Orchestra, Choir, and Bands. They maintained a music program that enhanced my soul, my learning experience, and became a critical part of my education in the public schools when I was there. 

In those songs, you shared words, rythmn and phrases that encouraged, drew me out, made me boisterous, and even able to move - a little.  What other teachers taught me were facts and possibly how to arrive at a conclusion from information, history and fact.  What you taught me was what I could do, who we could be, and what Truth could be for anyone.

In the last 25 years I have fought for equality for those in America who do not share all the benefits of being American.  I have worked in civil rights movements, attended parades and rallies being picketed by others.  I have advocated equality, peace, and diversity for those years.  And, while doing that volunteer work in communities, I have worked in the financial planning area.

Why do I mention this?  Because if it was not for the many rythmns and voices you managed into a cohesive presentation, my brain could not possibly and so effortlessly provide powerful plans that include complex economic issues with their competing personal interests.  Your class taught my brain how to see a multiple of competing voices, crafting them into areas of common strength, to create a symphony of answers to an audience who craved a music with a message of hope, solutions, and possibilities.  I may call it a financial plan, but more than one client has called it “music to her ears” when I told him to go retire from work.

Today, while I would enjoy being in a choir, I have no cause to blend more than I do, so that others might more easily listen, even if it might bend their ears a little.  And, frankly, sometimes, I do wonder whether I could direct.  My family may think that I have always been opinionated.  I will let you know that you gave me a tune that encouraged those opinions out to allow a scared kid to find his voice, find a path, and sing others onto it to a better place.  I’m just afraid that someone might get distracted, because I might put my entire body into the effort to direct that particular music, if given a chance.

I think it was time to again say Thank You. 

Your efforts at music in La Grande High School leaves impressions on people in many places, facing many issues, yet from songs you taught to teens growing up in Farm Country in Eastern Oregon, they  share those truths every day, they multiply your energy, the continue the truths you shared, the hope you dispensed, the comfort you had us explore, and the music that was planted with all of it.  Your value can never be measured.  Not even on Facebook.  But, it would be fun to know on one ay how many voices still would come under the direction of your hands.  And, what possibilities would flow from those voices!  It defies even my imagination.

Beware a Thank You, It could be Cathartic.

In my family, for three generations that I know of, thank you comments make us squirm.  We have been raised to do our job, even if it could kill you, and for some of us, it could.  We rarely expect our motivation to come from the praise of others, we do it because it is required, it is necessary, and it is important to who we are.

But, in this case, what she said caught me by surprise.  When someone says thank you, normally it is diminutive, does not examine the activity, the import, nor the impact of the decisions, nor what else was competing, and the behind the scenes circumstances.  I have found that the impact and acceptance of “thank you” becomes more powerful and impacts the person being acknowledged as the speaker prefaces the Thank You.

In my client’s case, as she was ending the conversation, she asked how Carleton’s health was.  I had limited my discussion with most clients about Carleton to Facebook postings, for basic information, and to keep my personal life issues out of my professional relationships.  She recognized that I have spent a significant time in the last three months attending to issues that arose related to Carleton’s health.  She appreciated the hours, extra efforts, weekend conversations.  She understood her demands along with the crazy changes at the office, but I had exceeded her expectation.

Then it happened.  She slipped one sentence into that cordial requisite Thank You and changed it and impacted me.  She simply said, “I know you have been facing some serious issues and I wanted to personally thank you for taking your time to make things serious things happen for me.  I had to tear you away from very important priorities, I may never understand the cost, but I want to thank you for what you did for me.   

Wow. 

I had to get off the phone (yes, mom, you would identify.) 

If I were poetic, I would say this of exceptional Thank You messages.  An important Thank You will:

Recognize Specific Effort

Catch the essence of the Cost

Explain the Impact of the Action

And

Deliver Emotional Clarity.

In less than a minute, this client touched her challenges, my efforts, my personal challenge, and the competing interest difficulties, and in that thank you, acknowledged the potential cost of serving her.

The reason I wept as I hung up the phone.  Simple, she gave me a gift.  Her thank you confirmed my decisions.  She confirmed that I could continue to exceed the expectations of others to help them achieve dreams we cannot achieve alone and continue to support those I love.

I believe a thought out, carefully considered thank you encourages the hopeless, gives confidence to the uncertain.  It gives courage to the embattled.  And a powerful thank you can touch the deepest reservoirs of power in the weakest of bodies, bringing joy, peace, and resolve.

Her thank you breached my walls of professional and personal defenses, inspired hope in a dark morning, releasing stored tears of imperfection executed, overwhelming crisis care and unending frustration to heal the hopelessness that weighs against grief.  The resulting tears carried anger, stress, and rage out of me, leaving only relief and peace.  Stress and anger slipped past my eyes and her Thank You crashed tears into the deeper lines of worry and concern to carry any bitterness far from my soul.

For me, it was Cathartic.  A thank you simply shows you, easily, that you do matter, it is important to someone, and yes, dammit, someone today, does care.  And, sometimes, those little things have a stronger impact or have a way of stopping you in your tracks.  And, sometimes, it helps significantly.

Perhaps that is why my family, for generations, has been wary of Thank You.  You never know when you will receive one and the emotional response will overwhelm you to continue to do what you do best.  And, would not the world be a better place if more unsuspecting Thank You messages were sent, person to person, considering their efforts, the impact on you, and the cost it had to them.  It would certainly make us more human, and perhaps a little bit more humane.

Success working with a client, A thank you, a cry, enlightenment, and the feeling that life is a little lighter today.   That is a result of one Thank You.  And, to my client who gave it, simply, gently and with deep appreciation, I say, you may never read this or understand the effect that it had, but it made me cry, it encouraged me to continue to stand, and it energized me to share a Thank you in return.  A deep heart felt, yes you impacted me today, thank you.

Romney, Ryan and the Republicans must be rejected.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=4404913562235&set=a.2515221761121.2145148.1270506240&type=3&theater

Thank you, Jon Borgeson, for sharing the visual above.  I am not surprised by the necessity of Romney to call on the great follower of Ann Rand (famed writer and philosopher that considers the employed to be parasites), Paul Ryan.  It certainly will create a fevered pitch for the next few months regarding how to address Federal actions on the economy.  This political union of Romney and Ryan creates the extreme visual of the wealth versus those of us who might someday need access to a federal safety net.

Unfortunately, for Americans, with Republicans refusing to create a balanced plan to support Americans to stimulate the struggling economy -  it is unlikely that Congress or the Federal Government can find the political will to create the appropriate policies any time soon to create the one thing that grows an economy - DEMAND.   The failure of creating a successful and repetitive strategy for Americans was to fulfill a Republican pledge in the first month of Obama's presidency to keep hime to a one term US President.  Sadly, in my mind, this whole hearted focus of destroying any hope for hope and change created extensive harm to the American people that will last decades, in lost productivity, lessened savings, and impacted retirement accounts.

Without policies that create some level of certainty at the federal level, along with leadership on the focused financial goals and supported features from the federal government, no significant change will occur.  Corporations will continue to sit on trillions of dollars of assets and working American will continue to deleverage their debt as they can.  This malaise will continue until DEMAND grows stronger in our economy.  Even the Federal Reserve has gone to Congress several times begging in Fed speak to start to create significant partnering with what the Federal Reserve has been doing for four years.

Obama's attempts to create DEMAND policies over the last four years have been numerous yet except for the initial stimulus pakage, no other large package of action could successfully pass the Party of No.  I hope everyone understands that Tax Cuts will not create DEMAND only SPENDING will.

Romney advocates tax cuts for everyone, but especially for the wealthy.  Yet, the wealthy will not increase their spending proportionately to grow the economy.   Those who get the greatest benefit do not significantly represent a large enough percentage of Americans to impact SPENDING.  Their impacts may be seen in investments, but again, that will not provide as much DEMAND.  The tax cuts advocated would merely improve the small minorities personal wealth even more substantially.  (Note: since 1986, the top wealth class has seen a reduction of 65% of their tax rate.  Great lobbyists and their professional services.)

Now, Paul Ryan continues to work for major revisions on Medicare and Social Security that will greatly (and negatively) impact those in our country least able to absorb the economic abandonment.  I can only hope non-profits are capable of addressing the major cuts that would be seen to the poor and the middle class safety nets.  I doubt that with a full implementation of the Ryan plan would be anything less than cataclysmic.

So, for those who are tired or feel threatened by the "Hopes and Change" of the last four years because you saw that many of those promises have not been fulfilled, I have a comment.  Grow up.  It is not surprising that when great change is required, great opposition will arise to impede any progress.  In a time of instant gratification, the US Congress was not created to inspire those wishing immediacy.

I urge those who voted for Obama four years ago to consider the many changes that have occured.  Consider the elimination of Don't Ask Don't Tell.  Consider health care, which while not resolved, has taken an immense architectural leap forward, and many additional improvements will be necessary.  These are significant changes in the political and social environments. 

For those who didn't vote for Obama, which I am one, I am forced to consider the choices.  You, too, may want to consider the alternatives.  Two parties will not get enough signficant support to be the US President.  (For those of you who are curious, I voted for the leader of a third party rather than condone the maddening behavior and choices of McCain/Palin or the political behavior of the Obama team during their race to the White House.)  And, the Republican party clearly would like to actively implement actions that would return to years of discrimination against Gays and Lesbians.  The Republican Party is clearly supportive of reducing the health care options for women from the full access they enjoy at this moment.  And, they are clearly focused on repealing the PPACA or Obamacare, the single most important piece of health care architecture to be passed in over 30 years, allowing a strategic process with benefits for everyone to have access to insurance, care, and which allows for future cost cutting strategies to be considered.

The Republican Party is clear in their focus on taxation and fiscal strategy.  It is a strategy of reducing taxes on those who earn over $250,000 annually while balancing that deficit created by reducing the safety net costs to the federal budget, thus leaving those who are least able to organize, fight, or have access to financial reserves fighting for what is left.

An America based on scarcity is not an American Dream I care to dream.  My dream of America is one where everyone has a chance and those who are most successful continue to contribute significantly so that more Americans can reach their most potential.   I work hard every day.  I care for people every day.   I want an American Dream where college education does not greatly impact the financial future of families, yet that education positively impacts the future of the nation.  I can tell you that over the last four years, I am tired of the debate that ultimately has ended up with those with the most resources gaining more resources while those with the least resources, find less.  I would like a different conversation.  One where everyone worried about those with less.  And, those with the most, considered fair ways to participate in the process of lifting those less fortunate rather than significant ways to limit their participation or financial liability.

Obama has done his level best as President to help America recover, no thanks to the almost economically lethargic actions of Republicans in Congress.  Obama continues to work to create a more inclusive America.  He, and Hillary Clinton, have done an admirable job for four years on the foreign relations front.  And, considering the shambles Bush left it in, it is nearly a miracle.

There have been mistakes.  There will always be mistakes.  But, after viewing the values of a political party that chose at the beginning of the last four years to pursue political values of complete opposition, to the point of shutting down the entire economic viability of the government, to assure the ruination of a sitting President.  Well, I cannot condone that type of behavior. 

In addition to that behavior, the very behavior to vote 33 times to repeal PPACA after the majority of the same leaders participated in the initial stonewalling and debate of that legislation and its passage, is repulsive.  The values of these legislative leaders of the Republican Party have shocked me to the core.  Rather than value all Americans and create a path of compromise that would create benefits for all, the values of this last two-year Congress has been a path of power to the majority, at the cost to all Americans.

And, that, to me, is simply unacceptable.

We are all Americans.  Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, right now, the U.S. has a sitting president.  And, his last name is Obama.  Did I elect him.  No.  Do I recognize him as my president, yes. 

The last two years was a fiasco of values and failed leadership clearly focused at frustrating the American people, to deny them benefits and priviledges that they should have expected to receive.  This policy of "no" along with continued stonewalling on addressing real economic stimulus to the economy, is the transparent, but clearly secret strategy of the minority political party to move Americans to support the party of No.

Obama, with all American political leaders, should have set party politics aside the last two years.  Clearly, both sides were hightly political and biased.  Obama, many times, reached across the aisle.  Republicans soundly rejected his offers, his solutions, his leadership. 

Yet, I am here, writing this blog, to encourage a complete rejection of all US Congressional Republicans in office due to their irresponsible behavior during the debt limit crisis, their myopic focus on the next presidential race, and their complete lack of concern for the American people and doing the most important part of that work.  If I was not so careful, I would suggest that charges of treason be drawn against every one of those who agreed to this consistent and focused policy of No to oppose so completely the work of Government because of the sitting President.

I had hoped that the Republicans would turn from their divisive ways and I would be able to consider an alternative to Obama.  I had hoped that Republicans would allow for diversity in our communities.  I had hoped that America would be the America Reagan spoke of, rather than an America that McCarthy created.  Romney can't even be transparent and share his extensive tax returns, either because we are not smart enough to understand them, or he simply wants to keep secrets.  And, when a candidate is already this secretive, well, I can see another Watergate happening on his watch, with his need for secrets and control.

Obama is the only credible choice in the coming election for diversity, community, education, social safety nets, and to be honest, even defense. 

Voter Fraud and Voting Restrictions policies are destroying Democracy.

Restricting voters from voting is unAmerican.  When will Americans get a clue and stand up to any politician that doesn't make it easier, not harder, for Americans to vote?  We already allow lies on radio, distortions of the truth in the media, why do Americans allow their politicians to hinder the process of voting?  Or, by using our military, and our patriotic feelings of connection, to allow them to hinder any American.  Republicans regularly denounce when Democrats work to protect the military, but regularly use the military to bolster their political strategies. 

Case in point, Romney this week.  http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/romney-says-obama-lawsuit-blocks-ohio-military-voters-002013009--abc-news-politics.html

The military, and their families, should not be used to shape voting laws in any state.  If the military receives a benefit, I am sure they would want every American to have access to that same benefit.  Especially one so critical to the democratic process and ideals they defend with their lives.

This voter fraud strategy that has swept Republican strong holds is a thinly veiled attempt for Republicans to maintain stronger holds on areas that are seeing more and more diverse communities that will ultimately reduce their political power.  This voting limitation strategy of Republicans will win, in the short term, because Americans simply do not understand how seriously terrible this strategy is to our independence.  Ultimately, this type of strategy worked for decades and led to civil rights wars across our country, which included police actions, terrorism, national marches and assasinations in the 1960s. 

Romney should be ashamed of using this poorly veiled attempt at limiting new voters from participating in elections.  Yet, as cocky as many Republicans are at dictating laws on religion, women's health, and how people should access health care, they must not read very much history about this nation's horrible treatment of minorities and the terrible consequences of that treatment.  The mistreated in this country have a way of uniting a majority of Americans to recognize the error of its ways and lead the majority back to Fairness, Mercy, and Community.
  
The news media should be ashamed for promoting the biased headline suggesting Romney is protecting th military.  Romney is using the military benefit in the Voter Elimination Act in Ohio to accompany the implementation of a law that would provide special benefits to the military, while eliminating that precious right for everyone else. 

When are Americans going to recognize the terrible impact of this national Republican strategy to eliminate a complete community from participation in one of our most dear traditions.  Until the last decade, I thought diverse voices in the political process we all held so dear.  Hence the reason we cherish political prisoners suffering abroad.  Yet, in the last decade, we have defended torture, elimination of due process, and now voting is in jeopardy. 

It is Nasty Politics, and it is going to effect you, personally.  No matter which party, this is simply bad, bad, terribly bad policy - and every American should vote out a politician who thinks this is acceptable policy.  Eliminate the black vote, the latino vote, the LGBT vote, the young vote, even seniors, but certainly you won't be affected.   Without an entire community's participation in the electoral process, we are left with out a fair process where democracy has a chance to thrive.  Eliminating or restricting the vote leads a democracy to an Oligarchy or a quasi-dictatorship with internal terrorism issues.  Restricting the voting process creates opportunities for internal injustice and actions outside the law by those who become disenfranchised. 

Voting Restrictive States minimize the importance of voting.  It suggests that voting doesn't matter to Americans.  Yet, these policies create an America that is less than.  When you create hurdles to the voting process, you cheapen the process.  You communicate a special worth to some, while creating inconvenience and confusion for others.  It creates an America that is less that is truly could be.

These policies cheapen my voice, hurt my belief in democracy, and raise concerns that we are no better than the system in Iran where politicians control the voting process.

Be prepared when you are signled out because if you endorse this strategy, you are worse than a terrorist.  Terrorists attack and create havoc, hurting those who are uninvolved or seen as victims.  When you endorse this type of policy, you are actively engaged in destroying democracy.  And, ultimately, this policy will affect you.  Political power swings from right to left.  Worry when you aren't on the current popular side of this particular policy. 

If this is your politician peddling restrictions in voting for your community, understand that devil would sell your soul for power, any day.  Vote them out, no matter the party.

Scape Goating is not a Political Value

Late last night, I was reading articles that come into my email from a variety of sources.  One email last night included the most recent Todd Gloria Newsletter.  Todd Gloria is an out gay man who is the current City Councilman for District 3 in San Diego.

Under the paragraph labelled Champion of Labor.
"Last night, I was humbled to be named the John Torres Champion of Labor by the Municipal Employees Association for my support of workers.  I am thankful to MEA members for what they do every day to make our City work.  From the reforms they have accepted and sometimes championed to the efficiencies they suggest, our employees demonstrate an absolute and strong commitment to the City of San Diego and to our citizens.  The pride they take in their jobs is obvious to those of us who pay attention, and my appreciation for them will not recede."

The paragraph caught my attention.  It bothered me.  It was initially communicating an award that Todd was receiving from the Municipal Employees Association.  Yet, the quote that was printed spoke to possibly my greatest concern that is not being discussed in the debate and race of San Diego City Mayor.  I began to consider the following:

1.  Does the candidate I support recognize the efforts of city workers?  Or does my candidate blame them en masse for the failure of leadership in the City Council and Mayors office over the last 30 years?

2.  Does my mayoral candidate blame "the city" referencing city workers, or the budget problems, suggesting that city workers are always recalcitrant and an organized opposition, rather than the former city leaders of his own party, who may or may not have been in power over the last 30 years?

3.  Does my candidate for mayor ever compliment City Workers efforts or simply and consistently make them the scapegoat of poor City Council stewardship over 20 years of fiscal mismanagement of which my mayoral candidate may have been an accomplice?

The reason I ask these questions is because I believe, after being identified with varying social groups over the last 40 years, that gross generalizations about a group or consistently blaming a group of individuals is cheap theater.  This strategy often in the short term can create enough divisiveness to blind larger constituencies to the manipulation, but it is a cheap way to create visibility.  Yet, in the long term it lacks creativity, ethical behavior, or the ability to create a consensus agenda for the future that is the most beneficial strategy for a vibrantly diverse community like San Diego.  One of the most short sighted strategic blunders of this strategy of scapegoating is this blunder:  You must always find a new group to blame.   While using political party labels is possibly of acceptable strategic interest, targeting minority groups is in poor taste, to attack a class of worker, especially so in this 99% environment.

From what I have heard from Carl DeMaio, one of the two Mayoral candidates, the main reason for budgetary problems is the ineffectiveness of city workers to compete in the market place, the outrageously expensive pension plan that everyone was failing to address but him.  I have heard Carl suggest that city workers were major opposition parties to budgetary reform and budget balancing efforts.  I have attended a substantial number of meetings where Carl has spoken, from the Asian Business Association Government Affairs meetings to Community events in Hillcrest in Gloria's own district several years ago.

So, this quote from Todd Gloria puzzled me.  I clearly am reading a completely different view from Todd Gloria.  I was becoming conflicted.  It raised the specter that either Carl DeMaio is lying or Todd Gloria is.  Who would be the one I trusted? 

(Point of fact, many of the suggestions Carl has made publicly about Pension reform for San Diego have already been implemented and have been long before Carl stopped mentioning the ideas, unless those ideas would face substantial State Court review.  In fact, when reviewing Prop B, I noticed that the majority of Prop B were suggestions, not any real reform at all.  And, now Prop B is, Surprise Surprise, going to face State Court review.)

So, I leave you with these facts.  As a gay man, I have faced the targeted threats, policy attacks and coordinated hatred from political groups like the Oregon Citizens Alliance in the 1980s and 1990s.  I have been discriminated against in the work place for the "wrong politics".  Usually, and consistently, the strategy is used by a group of people feeling that their way of life is threatened.  They find a leader that represents their fears of loss and better days behind them.  And, that leader identifies the source of tha threat - some group or individual to blame.  In my case, certain people or a group felt I, as a clear member of a recognized social group that was questionable, was in a place of weakness, unable to defend myself, or in a community group that was unable to defend itself, so the group hungering to maintain their historic position became a group effectively scapegoating.  Truly this is simply another form of bullying which a group has to attack to consolidate or maintain their perceived power.  So, as a gay man, when I recognize this type of political divisive strategies, I tend to become wary and at times protective of the scapegoat victims.  To be clear, this is how I currently fear Carl DeMaio uses his leadership power.

So, I suggest you consider additional review questions, if you are going to vote in the San Diego Mayoral Race. 
Question 1.  Does a person miraculously changes their message as they move into a new title of leadership?   After years of divisive politics, when you become the leader of all, do you create a new unity message everyone can accep?
Question 2.  Do you want a mayor that recognize the efforts of the employees he manages or regularly castigates them instead? 
Question 3.  Do you prefer a mayor who would accept all the accolades for himself?   Which mayoral candidate do you feel would share in the successes?

I am someone who is gay, and I appreciate placing qualified people in places of power and leadership.  Yet, I have never simply provided a "free ride" to anyone because of their orientation.  I refuse to discrimate against straight people just because they happen to be straight, especially if they have shown leadership for the protection of my special target related identification.  Therefore, I voice concern when people consider supporting leadership that endorses divisiveness, targeted scape goating, and crass use of misinformation over someone who has a demonstrated history of working for community, unity, and shared responsibility for the future.  Read articles from the last 10 years in our very own UT on our two competitive mayoral candidates.  But, please do your own research.  Don't trust either candidate to provide a balanced review.

After reading 10 years of UT articles covering Carl DeMaio and nearly 40 years of Bob Filner's leadership efforts, it is clear that leadership is never perfect, politics make strange bed fellows, and that consistent behavioral characteristics repeat themselves regularly.  It is was with growing alarm that the UT regularly made a decade of references to Carl DeMaio's "loose use of the truth".  Where I grew up that was a veiled reference to lying.

I passionately promote qualified LGBT visible leadership within communities all over the West Coast.  I honor that people vote for who they want to lead.  I have chosen who my candidate for mayor is.  And, Todd Gloria, with his tiny article recognizing the hard work of city workers reminded me that we are all in this together.  Blaming a group doesn't solve the crisis.  And a leader who leads from the glare of pointing fingers rarely leads their followers to a bright and shiny new future.

The e-mail was simple. It asked "How are you?"

This week, out of concern, someone I cherish sent me a simple e-mail.  It asked "How are you?"  When I read that line, I stopped.  It took me a few minutes to consider the answer.  The easy answer was that I was not "fine".

 

I provide to you how I answered, with limited editing.  I wonder whether, when we ask the question "How are you?" what value we are seeking in the response?  And, how much time we are willing to reserve for the answer.  The letter was written at 9pm, July 21, 2012.  I have provided the start in quotes.

 

"Thank you for being someone who cares about me. 

 

Carleton has recovered 20 lbs since he entered the emergency room.  He may be released from the hospital on Tuesday.

 

I certainly have had some people reach out to me out of concern the impact of caring for Carleton may have when he is released from the hospital.  I cannot even begin to determine what his return from the hospital will require.  While he has recovered some weight, the health issues and a quick reversal weigh in the back of my mind.

 

I have stayed home, doing laundry (I hate that more than you know) that has been backed up for two months, with a brain scrambled by the many big decisions that will impact my personal and professional future that need to happen in a very short period of time.  It is ironic to me that I create plans all the time for others and implement planning for people and organizations creatively and effectively.  Yet, the variables on my current tragectory are quite voluminous, impactful, and blinding in their volatility making it quite challenging for me to be the one to create that particular plan.  Too close to the craziness, I guess.

 

I know that ultimately, if I keep focused on what I need to do professionally, I will be fine financially.  Yet, many years ago, I also found it incredibly important to stay emotionally available, vibrant, and accessible for my clients, my family and my friends.  I know that the choice to stay emotionally open creates vulnerability to the great emotional impacts in life.  Grief, loss, and sorrow can tear apart perfect plans, directions for the future, and trigger a myriad of other emotions that take energy.  Sometimes, it might have been a wiser course to have chosen to be more clinical, minimizing the emotional connectiveness that I cherish.  More CPA than money therapist.  I chose many years ago, after so many friends died, that I would not choose to become one of the walking wounded.  I privately chose to be the emotional base to some who had no one else to turn, not just a friend or client relationship.

 

For years, I have teased my mother that our family is deeply Egyptian and that she is our Pharoah.  It is in this last week that I recognize more completely that I have an amazing ability to live near DeNial.  I have found my brain on "pause" several times in the last week, unable to make even the most basic decisions, much less write a basic monthly check.  Yet, surprisingly efficient when it comes to processing paperwork for client needs at the office.  No distractions from my brain about a show tune or what else should I be asking that person.  In fact, at this rate, I will have all of Lorelei's duties melded into my own within the next two weeks. 

 

It has been quite a wild week.  At the beginning of the week, I was considering how someone would do to purchase an urn then whether someone through my connections in GSDBA would even come to Carleton's memorial service, if it occured, to be there for me.  And, at the end of the week, I am now contemplating whether I will be personally capable of addressing Carleton's health, if I have so badly managed it for the last 6 months.  His stubborness, fear of possible pain, and passion for privacy greatly contributes to that less than admirable health spiral, but I was distracted by my professional and volunteer focuses or I could have been more the effective advocate for him that I have been in so many other areas.

 

I am generally someone who plans the future.  I tend to evaluate alternatives rather than to analyze choices.  While I tend to process vast amounts of emotions, data points, and the matrix of values life can throw at someone, only a few times a year - if that - do I become reflective, consider what will happen, what I could have done differently, the more depressive critical review in life.  Two weeks ago was a critical "earthquake" for me.  The impact in my life of Carleton's health has been relatively constant for 16 months.  I just did not realize how impactful it has been to my reserves.  It was a significant enough event to my close friends this last week that several people called me to threaten to fly down and take over my life.  But, honestly, the events of the last month had been developing for the last 6 months.  There was simply several large issues that I had been "managing" rather than "solving".  So, those issues I had been managing apparently met, without me, and all those issues agreed to explode at once and I certainly have come to resent it.

 

I tend to rely on vision and confidence as attributes that rule my personality.  Vision I have cultivated by listening, pursuing wisdom principles, and creating resources for the future for myself and others.  Confidence comes from past successes and the belief that my resources and my faith will be enough to address any crisis.  Yet, in the last month, what became clear is that the resources I had developed were the very resources being destroyed or eliminated while demands on me personally were being increased exponentially.

 

My Denial DNA probably protected me this last week from overwhelming fright, complete immobilization, and a nervous breakdown.  The silver lining in Carleton's residency at Hotel De Sharp has been the hours of relative silence at home, with me required to do menial chores that are necessary, but that I tend to ignore when someone else might be doing those activities.  That mundane activity and silence allowed my brain to go into overactive processing modes that would more likely give most people headaches, but with me caused me to lose massive hours of sleep.

 

What all this processing in the e-mail helps to create in an easy summation is this:  I haven't slept much.  I have worried a lot.  I have felt an sizeable increase in stress followed by an increase of those who are concerned about me.  Yet, I am confident that ultimately, I will continue on whether Carleton survives or not.  And, I will continue to function in what I have chosen to be for decades - a financial advisor and a community volunteer.

 

Unfortunately, something started threatening that vision and confidence on which I have come to rely.  I have always been fiercely independent and have been the one who felt would be the foundation when everyone else might crumble, whether emotionally, financially, or in another area.  I have been wrestling with the incredulous realization that the amount of stress currently and lack of sleep has left me uninterested in going to the grocery store.  Yet, that creates a cunnundrum of how do you eat something healthy when there is nothing in the fridge?  And, the resulting value is that I had this one feeling - I just don't care.  And, that became the most worrisome vaue I fear. 

 

This one emotion I have feared for 25 years while working for others, worrying for others, fighting for others, striving for others, grieving for others, loving others and the community, and advancing the position of others and the communities I love has arrived.  How do I face the one value in me, when I detest it when I see it in others?  I understand that I chose long ago to feel every emotion, spend time vibrantly with those I love, desperately work at being relevant while alive to others and my community, and when that relationship and those efforts are completed, I would then rest in the full emotions of those relationships.  I do not encourage guilt or "might have beens" in my relationships, I focus on those moments of intimacy, efforts of joint venture, thoughts of being cherished, and shared gems of memories.  And, the idea that "I don't care" never should be a part of that life.  In fact, I practically could say that eliminating "I don't care" could be one of my commandments.  Yet, that feeling has become an answer for me, at times, in the last week.  It causes other parts of me great worry.  And, frankly, it is that tiny feeling, the one concept everyone that might benefit from what I have done or might do, should fear. 

 

Thank you for providing a question that allowed me to process its answer valuably.  You asked how I am.  And, true to character, I provided a play by play process that culminated in this response.  Perhaps when I visit a therapist, I will simply present this e-mail, rather than have him listen to the million other things on my mind at that time. 

 

Don't send me an invoice.  Consider it the highest compliment that you have just watched my inner processes.  While some have watched pieces of it, rarely am I allowed to write or voice the expanse of my processing to answer such a simple question:  How are you?  Laughable...  Certainly not FINE.  I would say LIVING.  Maybe not quite as fabulous as usual.

 

Thank you, my friend."

 

And, with the culmination of my response to my friend, I turn to you and ask you to contemplate "How are you?"